


All is Fair in Love and Lies

by Applesandbannas747



Series: All is Fair [1]
Category: Fence (Comics)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 36,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23491123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applesandbannas747/pseuds/Applesandbannas747
Summary: Nick doesn't like Seiji and everyone knows it. But, when Seiji gets a troubling idea in his head, Nick's forced to correct it. And how does he do that? By planting adifferenttroubling idea in his head, of course!
Relationships: Nicholas Cox/Seiji Katayama
Series: All is Fair [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1863229
Comments: 386
Kudos: 240





	1. Chapter 1

When Nick had woken up that morning, he’d disliked Seiji Katayama and everyone had known it. So how had everything gone so sideways so fast? Nick couldn’t decide who he blamed more—himself, Seiji, or Jesse Coste. Because it had started like this:

Nick was late. He’d gotten lost and he couldn’t even blame Eugene for this one because he’d done it all himself. The Kings Row fencing team had been invited over to Exton for a friendly little meet and greet. Nick thought that sounded like a bullshit cover for posturing and smack talk, but since Jesse had extended the hand of friendship on behalf of his team, Harvard hadn’t ignored it. He was good like that. Nick would have told Jesse to piss off. But, as part of the team, he’d been dragged along and had been told, under no uncertain terms, that he was to _behave_. Harvard’s lecture and threats about what would happen if he were disobeyed in this had been as much for the other boys on the team as for him, which gave Nick no more confidence that this meeting was a good idea.

It seemed like an even _worse_ idea when, halfway to Exton all piled into Coach’s van, Nick needed to pee. And Coach refused to make a pit stop, telling him _you should have listened when I told you all to go before we left._ She liked making him suffer like that. So, the minute they’d entered Exton’s campus, what was the first thing Nick had done? Dash for a bathroom. He’d thought it would be easy enough to manage. Find a bathroom, then head to the common room where they were meeting the Exton boys. But he probably should have gone to the common room _first_ and then suffered the indignity of asking someone to show him to a bathroom. Because he got lost. And after he found a bathroom and finally got to pee? He got even more lost.

Coach was waiting in the car for them, napping. And no way was Nick dumb enough to wake her up for something like helping him find his way around this fucking school. So he'd called Harvard. And Harvard had told him to hang tight at the front office and they’d come rescue him.

And it turned out ‘they’ really meant ‘Seiji.’

“I’ve met five-year-olds brighter than you,” Seiji snapped the moment he was in earshot. “How hard is it to go to the bathroom alone?”

“This place is even more confusing than Kings Row,” Nick mumbled, even as he knew that Seiji had a point. So, more subdued and embarrassed than usual, he met Seiji halfway down the hall and followed a couple steps behind as they made their way to the common room.

“I can’t believe Harvard had to send me to come find you,” Seiji continued, sounding irritated to have been delegated to such a task.

“Sorry for making you go to so much trouble,” Nick rolled his eyes. Seiji was being a bit over-dramatic. “And why’d _you_ get sent anyway? I would have preferred _anyone_ else.”

“I know this school best.”

“Right. Weren’t you offered a full ride here?” Nick asked, remembering gossip from last year’s circuit. “Why’d you turn it down?”

“I’m sorry, are we friends?”

“What?”

“I can’t think of any reason I’d discuss my personal business with you unless we were friends, and I don’t think we are.”

“Whatever.” It was true that Nick’s relationship with Seiji wasn’t really a friendly one. Sometimes, he thought it could be. But the title _friends_ just felt wrong, and even when they felt like they might be getting there, it was just too awkward or they started fighting and they fell back to this level of mutual dislike. Still, Nick couldn’t help but try to fill the silence. “It’s because of Jesse, isn’t it?” He asked, and Seiji shot a glare over his shoulder.

“I thought I made it clear that you should stop talking.”

“Everyone says that you hate Jesse so much you couldn’t work on the same team as him. Determined to get revenge for nationals.” This struck a nerve, and Seiji spun on him.

“My reasons for choosing Kings Row instead of Exton are entirely my own and I’d thank you to stop prying.”

“So it is Jesse.”

“If you’re so determined to talk about Jesse, why not tell me what _your_ relationship with him is.”

“This again?” Nick narrowed his eyes at Seiji. “Give it a rest, I don’t even know the guy. You’re the one who’s always bringing him up.”

“I don’t recall being the one who started this conversation,” Seiji reminded him and Nick had to admit that he had a point there. Seiji knew it, and he dug in. “Tell me why you fence like him. What did you get from Jesse?”

“Nothing!” Nick said, and started stomping down the new hallway. Only, he realized he had no idea where he was going and had to wait for Seiji anyway.

“You know,” Seiji mused, “I could just ask Jesse. Since we’re already here and all.” _Oh no_. That was a terrible idea. Nick couldn’t let that happen, and he knew his face showed it—draining of color at the mere suggestion. It encouraged Seiji, and Nick didn’t think he’d ever seen the bastard looking so happy. Okay, happy was a stretch. Contentedly smug might have more accurately described the emotion on Seiji’s face. “I’ll ask Jesse, then.”

“No!”

_Way to lose your cool, Cox._

“Why not? If you don’t know him, he’ll tell me the same.”

“I _don’t_ know him,” Nick insisted. But he didn’t need Seiji pointing out his similarities to Jesse to the guy himself. Didn’t need Jesse paying a little closer attention to him. Maybe he’d see what Seiji saw. Maybe he’d see more. The last thing Nick needed was Jesse finding out the truth about them. And _any_ hint to that, no matter how tiny, could be disastrous in the long run. He couldn’t let Seiji draw Jesse’s attention to him. No matter what.

“Then why could you possibly care about what he—,” Seiji cut off, and Seiji _never_ did that. This couldn’t be good. “You like him.”

_What?_

“What?”

“I should have seen it,” Seiji said, quickening his pace. “It explains why you fence like him.”

“Does it?” Nick was pretty sure Seiji had cracked.

“Yes. I imagine you’d watch him very closely. Studied his fencing and emulated it on accident.”

“That doesn’t make sense and, anyway, it’s not true. I don’t _like_ Jesse.” Seiji couldn’t seriously think that, could he? But as Nick caught up to fall in step next to him, he saw that Seiji’s face looked like that of a man who had solved a mystery.

_Oh no._

_No no no no._

“I’m actually on good enough terms with Jesse, despite what you may think. I could put in a good word for you.”

“Please don’t.”

“He’s generally the type to give everyone a chance, and he’s single right now. You might have a real—,”

“Seiji. Don’t.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t like him!”

“I think you do.”

“Only because you’re stupid.” And antagonizing Seiji just then was a bad idea. His face shifted and Nick knew he’d made up his mind about something. And Nick had a really bad feeling about what.

“Fine. I won’t put in a good word for you,” Seiji said, and Nick couldn’t believe his luck. Was Seiji really going to _punish_ him by not helping him woo his half-brother? Nick could hear a burble of voices, could make out his fellow teammates’ voices within the burble. They were almost there, and everything was actually okay. But then, as they entered the room, “I’ll just tell him outright that you like him.” Just to be a dick. But Nick didn’t even spend much time considering the total asshole move that was because he was too busy freaking the fuck out.

Seiji was striding across the room purposefully towards Jesse. He was going to tell Jesse that Nick liked him. Romantically. And if Jesse were the type to _give him a chance?_ Fuck. Shit. Fuck fuck shit fucking balls. Nick was panicking. He couldn’t _date_ his half-brother. Oh god. How could he get out of this? His mind raced and he didn’t have a plan, really, when he opened his mouth. It just came out.

“Wait—,” he said, reaching out to grab Seiji, though he was already out of reach. _Fuck._ He followed after Seiji, desperate and panicked. “Seiji, I don’t like him because I’m in love with _you!”_

And that got Seiji to stop, all right. But Nick had timed it poorly, saying it a little too loud to begin with and right in the middle of a lapse of conversation to make it all worse. The room was silent. All eyes on him.

_Oh, fucking hell._

And that was how he’d set fire to the notion that he didn’t like Seiji Katayama. Very publicly. And there was no turning back now.


	2. Chapter 2

Nick wondered if defenestration might be the way to go here. The window was _right there_ and so inviting. The fall would be worth it to get away from the looks of shock. And it wasn’t just his team that was witnessing this. It was the Exton team too. Great. Just great. He loved making a fool of himself in front of strangers.

Seiji turned to look at him, and he was as shocked as the rest. And…disgusted? Yeah, that was definitely a touch of disgust in there. Even fucking better. Nick wished he’d said he was in love with literally anyone else. Why couldn’t his brain just fucking work on occasion?

“Well, stop that,” Seiji snapped at him and Nick had to make sure he wasn’t actually _doing_ anything, to Seiji or otherwise. He wasn’t.

“What?”

“I can’t condone your affections for me and must request that you dispose of them immediately.”

“What—you’re _offended_ that I like you?”

“It’s an inconvenience. A nuisance. So I suggest you _stop that_ nonsense at once.”

“You can’t just _stop_ feelings,” Nick protested, angry that Seiji was angry that Nick ‘liked’ him. Like, that was a bit too harsh a blow to his confidence.

“Figure it out. Because I don’t want them.” And, all around the room, Nick saw the winces and sympathetic looks across every single boy there. Including Jesse.

“Fucking brutal,” Eugene said, voicing what everyone was thinking. “Nick, man, you all right?”

“Fine, thanks,” Nick said, but he knew no one bought it. He was as red as he’d ever been or would ever be and he decided that this was mostly Seiji’s fault.

He collected what little dignity he had left and found his way to a seat. And maybe it was because his cheeks were still stinging with Seiji’s rejection—despite the fact that he didn’t actually like the guy at all—and maybe it was because all the Exton guys felt bad for him and were being nice because of it, but it wasn’t so bad, the meet and greet. They all chatted and swapped stories and Nick got talking to this one boy—Marcel—and started to forget about the humiliating scene Seiji and he had put on. Okay, so not _forget_ , but it did lose its sting. It was just a shame that he’d gone and declared his love for Seiji in front of the whole room because Marcel was handsome and funny and nice enough to be described as sweet, even though he was one of Jesse’s minions. Nick was dying to ask for his number.

Nick glanced over at Seiji, who was, almost unbelievably, talking companionably with Jesse. Marcel caught the look.

“Don’t worry, there’s nothing there,” Marcel said, causing Nick’s flush to renew itself. Yeah, he really had made a fool of himself, hadn’t he?

“I didn’t think there was,” Nick shrugged, trying to act casual. “I thought they didn’t get along, is all. Seiji always seemed like he hated Jesse.”

“Seiji always seems like he hates _everybody,_ ” Marcel laughed. “And who knows? Maybe he does. But as long as those two can keep their conversation clear of fencing, they’re fine, really.”

“Impressive that they’ve made it so long, then. All Seiji ever talks about is fencing.”

“Jesse too,” Marcel agreed.

Time passed quickly, and soon Harvard was gathering his team to leave. When Nick said goodbye to Marcel, the other boy slipped him his number. “Just in case,” he’d said, and Nick had grinned a little too big for a heartbroken guy, but whatever. He had a cute boy’s number in his pocket and he was sure he could find an excuse to text soon enough. Then, maybe in a month or two, he could ask Marcel out. That was enough time to get over someone, right?

* * *

There was definitely something fishy going on. Practice the day after the Exton visit was…weird. Not bad, exactly, but weird as hell. Everyone was super nice to him. Eugene didn’t make a joke when he lunged too deep and struggled to recover. Harvard squeezed his shoulder and gave him a spectacularly warm _good morning_. And Aiden, who would usually have glared at him for receiving such nice attention from their captain, offered him a cupcake one of his groupies—Bon? It was hard to know, Aiden called them all Bon—had made in home economics for him.

Nick was confused for a while, but then he caught each and every one of his teammates glance worriedly between him and Seiji and he understood. It was pity. He wasn’t usually a fan of pity, but it was kind of funny since no real feelings existed and, hey, he’d gotten a cupcake from _Aiden Kane_ out of it and that was really something.

After practice, Coach pulled him aside and Nick braced for another critique of his technique.

“How you holding up, kid?” She asked instead. Nick stared at her. She couldn’t know, could she? “Harvard told me about your doomed romance,” she grinned at his disbelieving look. “Anything that can affect team dynamics goes through me first. Keep that in mind in the future.”

“Are you…reprimanding me for confessing to Seiji without your permission?”

“No, no, not at all.” But Nick was pretty sure she was, and her devilish grin wasn’t helping to convince him otherwise. “You can confess all you like. Especially to Seiji.” What was _that_ supposed to mean? “Just don’t forget to keep in top form for fencing.”

“Right. I, uh, I won’t.”

Coach nodded, “I was impressed with how well you handled the rejection. You’ve got some real gumption, not letting it get in the way of the team. Now hurry along, I’ve got important things to do,” she told him, shooing him out of the gym. “And good luck.”

Weird.

Really weird.

Nick went to grab lunch and was attacked by Bobby with a very tight and very long hug before even making it to the food line. Bobby was a hugger, but this one was a little too much. Nick suspected that news of his failed romance had leaked to more than just Coach Williams.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Bobby told him solemnly as he broke away. “If you need a pity party and movie night, let me know. I’m here, and I’ve got connections in the kitchen so I can get us all the snacks.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Nick said, and tried not to look as amused as he was. Apparently, getting your heart ruthlessly stomped on in front of an audience had its benefits.

In fact, the only person that wasn’t treating Nick any differently since the confession was the person he’d confessed to. Seiji went about alternating between ignoring him and being annoyed by his existence, as per the usual.

But, about a week into this new treatment from everyone else, Seiji got increasingly annoyed.

In the locker rooms the following Saturday, Eugene and Nick were tossing around some good old FMKs, and Aiden broke in slyly.

“I’ve got one for you, Nicky,” he said innocently. In the way a boa constrictor innocently gave hugs. “Jesse, Marcel, and Seiji.” And there it was. Aiden’s sympathy only stretched so far. A little poking at open wounds never hurt anyone, right?

“Really, bro?” Eugene asked, covering Nick’s ears and pulling his head to his chest as if sheltering him from a scary story. “Too soon.”

“It’s fine, Gene,” Nick said, pulling away from his friend with an awkward sort of laugh. He couldn’t help his eyes from sliding over to Seiji. This was probably a bad idea. “I think it’s obvious anyway. Kill Jesse,” _sorry bro, can’t do incest so you get to die._ “Fuck Marcel,” he wished. “Marry Seiji,” because that’s the one you’d choose if you loved someone, wasn’t it? But Eugene and Aiden’s chorus of _awwww_ and their wide, pitying eyes made him wish he’d married Marcel and fucked Seiji.

“That’s so sweet,” Aiden said, though it was unclear if he meant it. Nick hoped Aiden was being a dick and mocking him. “See, Seiji, you should really give Nick here a chance.”

Nick groaned.

“Aiden, leave it,” he said, noticing the way Seiji had frozen in putting on a fresh shirt. Nick could practically feel the anger seeping off him.

“Why? Don’t you want him to give you a chance?”

“I—,” _fuuuuuck._ “Sure I do, but it’s not up to me.”

“So I’m helping,” Aiden insisted.

“No, you’re really not. Seiji, just ignore him.”

“You’re missing out, Seiji,” Eugene joined in. Nick threw his deodorant at him. Eugene, of course, caught it out of the air easily. Show off. “Just look at how much he likes you.”

“Would you all get over it?” Seiji snapped at them with a scowl. He pulled on his shirt and stormed from the locker room in a huff.

“Thanks, guys, now _I_ get to deal with that bad mood,” Nick groused. To his surprise, _Harvard_ started laughing.

“Nick, they’ve been pestering Seiji all week. You’re lucky that he didn’t snap earlier.”

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m not,” Harvard said, gesturing at Aiden and Eugene’s shifting postures, like children caught being bad. It was kind of sweet that they both thought Nick was worth a chance, especially since he wasn’t sure Aiden even liked him. But—

“You can’t _peer pressure_ him into dating me,” Nick told them, a little gobsmacked at how terrible their plan was.

“Watch us,” Aiden said, all guilt disappearing from his countenance. Nick looked to Eugene, exasperated, but all he got was a wink.


	3. Chapter 3

“I want to be clear about one thing,” Seiji said, walking into their room and immediately commanding the space. Nick hated how he did that, filling spaces up like he owned them, even when he didn’t. Though, to be fair, he did _half_ own this particular space. “I do not like you and I do not anticipate that changing. However, I’ll give you a chance. One month, no more.”

“Wait. What?” Nick was staring dumbly at Seiji from where he sat on his bed. Seiji sighed as if he was greatly put upon, having to explain himself to the likes of Nick.

“Try to keep up, would you? I’m saying I’ll date you.” Seiji seemed dissatisfied with the words even as he said them, adding, “On trial.”

“You—holy shit, did they _actually_ manage to peer pressure you into this?” Nick asked, wondering what sort of pressuring, bribery, or blackmail might have been employed to get Seiji here, agreeing to date him. Reluctantly, but still.

How.

The.

Fuck.

“‘They’ meaning Aiden and Eugene?”

“Yeah, who else?” Nick asked, but Seiji didn’t elaborate. Okay then.

“I’m counting today as part of your month. And I reserve the right to terminate the relationship at any point, so don’t think you can try to pull anything.” And then he was gone, bustling around on the other side of the duck curtain.

“I didn’t actually agree to this,” Nick said to the curtain.

“Why would you object?” Wow, cocky much? “You kicked up such a fuss.”

“Hey, only some of that fuss was kicked up by me. I’d have left it at Exton.”

“Public confessions are always messy,” Seiji said, chiding.

“Not fair!” Nick objected. “You forced my hand. I probably—,” _definitely,_ “—wouldn’t have told you I love you at all if you hadn’t been about to go confess my love to some other guy for me. No way did I want to do it like that.”

“Regardless, you _did_ do it like that. And here we are.”

“You really don’t have to do this just because the guys won’t stop pestering you. They’ll get bored eventually and leave it be.”

_Please don’t make me actually date you. Please, please, please._

“I know,” Seiji scoffed. “But I’ve made up my mind. It’s only polite that I give you a chance.”

“You’re not exactly thrilled by the idea, though,” Nick mumbled. If he was actually in love with someone, would he take this insulting ‘trial run’ deal? It seemed pretty pathetic to him. He liked to think he wouldn’t agree to it. But…if he really loved them, wouldn’t he hope that he could make them love him too, no matter how slight the chance? Fuck.

“I’m a very busy person, and, as such, will not commit to any meetings outside of meals, which you may sit with me for, during the school week. I’m available on Saturday evenings, so if you’re not, I suggest you rearrange your schedule because that’s the only time I’m willing to set aside for date night.”

“One month?” Nick asked.

“One month,” Seiji confirmed.

Nick could manage one month. After that, they’d end the trial. He still had hope for Marcel at some point after that. But the thought of having to date Seiji first? Already, he was bossing and making rules and Nick had no doubt there would be more. He’d probably be expected to carry Seiji’s shit around or something. Nick was glad for the duck curtain between them, because he was sure his face looked every bit as pained and reluctant as Seiji’s had.

“All right, deal,” Nick said. Seiji didn’t even acknowledge it. Like he’d never doubted Nick would agree.

* * *

Nick woke up with a sense of dread. It took him only a couple of seconds to place the reason for that dread. Seiji. He was obligated to date Seiji. For a month. And, probably, pretend to enjoy it. He groaned, falling back on his bed and grabbing his pillow to his face to muffle the sound, which was just getting longer and louder by the second. Possibly, it was secretly a scream.

But the room was empty, as it always was when he woke up. So that was good. But it didn’t last for long; Seiji was already in the gym when Nick got there, which was usual. But the strangest thing happened. When Seiji glanced over at him, instead of glaring or sneering or reminding Nick to stay ten feet away from him at all times, he inclined his head slightly.

“Good morning.”

“Yeah,” Nick said, startled. “Morning.”

Apparently, dating meant pleasant greetings. Who knew? And, even weirder, Seiji didn’t speed ahead of Nick when they were done cleaning up for breakfast. He matched his pace to Nick’s and walked beside him. Weird. Nick wasn’t sure what the protocol was here, and the silence was getting unbearably awkward. Just like it always did when they were alone and not fighting.

“Should I…hold your hand?” Nick asked, just because it seemed like a standard dating thing to do and he wasn’t sure if Seiji was expecting it. He hadn’t been, as evidenced by the look of disgust he turned on Nick. “Okay, that’s a no on the hand-holding. Got it.” Seiji still looked offended, even as they continued. Then, he put out his hand without looking at Nick.

“If you must,” he said. Nick was so glad he didn’t actually like Seiji or the reluctance of that would have hurt. But Nick took the offered hand and dropped them down together to hang between them instead of at chest level, where Seiji had originally offered his. Like Nick was escorting him to the ball or something. “But _only_ when we’re walking outside. The halls are far too cluttered for that.”

“Sure,” Nick said, and they fell back into quiet.

Nick let Seiji lead him to his usual table. Seiji ate alone, Nick knew, and to be offered a seat at his table was probably a great honor. Bobby would be jealous. But, as he ate, Nick was jealous of Bobby, talking easily and happily with his roommate. He was jealous of Eugene, sitting with a bunch of rambunctious boys that were all talking over each other. He was jealous of Harvard, Aiden, Tanner, and Kally, all still sitting together despite that they weren’t _The Team_ anymore. He’d table hopped between all of them before, and each of them was miles better than this.

Seiji ate the same way he did everything: quiet, intense, and like he derived absolutely no pleasure from it.

“So, you ready for biology?” Nick asked. School. Lame topic, he knew. But he had no fucking clue what else to talk about.

“Is anything of note happening in biology today?” Seiji asked. He sounded…not happy to be drawn into conversation. But he _had_ answered.

“I mean—no, not really, I guess. Just that we have the homework quiz.”

“We have one every week, of course, I’m prepared.”

“Yeah. You would be,” Nick snorted. “I only skimmed through the readings. But I always get by on the quizzes anyway.”

“You shouldn’t do that,” Seiji said seriously. “You’ll fall behind if you don’t do the readings.”

“Dude, I _never_ do the readings. Not even in English. And I’m not behind. Any teacher worth their shit actually _teaches_ you what you need to know in class. Readings are extra. You miss _maybe_ one question out of ten from skipping the textbook, even on things taken directly from it.”

“And you’re fine getting only nine out of ten?”

“Yeah. The effort for that extra point isn’t worth it.” Nick didn’t mention how, before Kings Row, _any_ effort at all hadn’t been worth it to him.

“Interesting,” Seiji said, giving Nick a look that suggested he really _did_ find that interesting. Then he turned back to his banana toast and said, nonchalant, “I hadn’t thought you were so lazy.”

“I’m not,” Nick glared, and Seiji raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m just efficient. I could be using that extra effort somewhere more valuable.” Again, this gave Seiji pause for thought and he regarded Nick strangely for a long moment.

“You can’t stay if you don’t keep your grades up.”

“What?”

“Fencing. I assume that’s where all your extra effort goes. But you won’t be allowed to stay at Kings Row, even though you made the team, if you don’t get good enough grades.” He didn’t say it in a mean way, and that was what threw Nick off the most. He said it as an observation, maybe even a caution against getting too lazy in school. But it wasn’t said with an edge intended to cut. And it lacked a suggestion that if that _were_ to happen, Seiji would necessarily like it.

“I know,” Nick said, trying in turn to keep his voice level. Not to snap and turn this into a fight. “I’m actually super aware of the conditions I have to meet to keep fencing here. And a ninety percent is still an A.”

“An A-minus,” Seiji corrected. And Nick bet Seiji had never gotten anything less than a perfect A in his life, the way he tacked on that _minus_ with a sneer.

“Good enough,” Nick told him. And it was. It actually gave him plenty of wiggle room. As long as he didn’t get any ‘C’s or lower, he was good. So he didn’t feel at all bad about his collections of ‘B’s and ‘A-’s, no matter what Seiji said. It was the best Nick had _ever_ done in school and it was all directly in an effort to stay here and continue fencing.

They went on eating in silence, but it didn’t seem as bad as it had before. At least they _had_ talked some. Nick finished before Seiji, and when he’d finally drained his glass of green sludge, Nick went ahead and grabbed his tray to clear, too. Seiji watched him take it suspiciously, like he was stealing it or something.

Seiji lingered, waiting for Nick to come back and grab his stuff before heading out of the cafeteria and back to their room to get ready for class. And, after that, they walked to class together. And it was the most time Nick had spent with Seiji in one go literally ever. Unless sleeping in the same room at the same time counted.

“So,” Nick started as they walked down the science hallway, “I can sit with you at meals, but what about in class?”

“If you’re determined to do so, you may.”

“Guess I’m moving up front, then,” Nick said, and tried not to sound as morose about it as he felt.

* * *

“Holy fucking shit, it worked?” Eugene cornered Nick before practice.

“I told you we could do it,” Aiden said with quirked mouth and raised brow, exuding the confidence he wore so well.

“You guys are still the fucking worst,” Nick hissed, darting eyes around to make sure Seiji wasn’t anywhere.

“I think you mean ‘thank you,’” Aiden said.

“Yeah, show some respect to your own personal cupids.”

“You bullied him into dating me,” Nick pointed out, but neither boy seemed to understand why that was a problem. Harvard got it, though. Nick recognized it in the sympathetic smile his captain offered him.

“Just try to make the most of it,” Harvard suggested. “You can win him over.” But Harvard didn’t wear confidence as convincingly as Aiden. At least, not in this. Harvard knew that he was doomed, and the narrowed eyes from Coach suggested that she did too. Anyone with any sense could see that this excursion into dating would only prolong and fine-tune Nick’s suffering.

‘Course, everyone else would think that suffering sprouted from heartbreak and hurt. The reality, in Nick’s opinion, was actually worse. But all he had to do was make it one month. He’d just hunker down, play his part—but not _too_ well—and then graciously accept Seiji’s rejection in thirty days.

Yeah, he could do that.


	4. Chapter 4

A month was already starting to seem like an eternity. Nick had had Seiji as a boyfriend for three days and he had no idea how he’d survive the next twenty-seven. Seiji was an odd mix of high-maintenance and no maintenance. He was very particular about schedules and planning—he’d wanted Nick to turn in an _agenda_ for their dates by Friday nights for approval—but he also wanted Nick as uninvolved in his daily life as possible.

Seiji was always gone when Nick woke up, and generally kept to himself after school, busy with work of varying types. And he would only reluctantly offer his hand when they walked between buildings. Nick never reached for it on his own, but Seiji always offered it, without fail, when they crossed a threshold to the outdoors. And he’d drop it with eager disdain just as soon as they entered into their destination.

It was draining trying to walk the balance. And their first date wasn’t even until tomorrow. Nick had not prepared an agenda and was currently suffering the consequences.

“—a simple enough request, wouldn’t you agree? Was I not clear about my expectations? I won’t be taken somewhere horrendous, and I can hardly trust your judgment.”

“Seiji,” Nick said, using every bit of restraint he had not to shout. “Dating actually is a two-way thing. Give and take. You can’t make demands of me and expect me to fulfill all of them. That’s not fair.”

“I was under the impression that you wanted to date me. I’m sorry if this disillusions you of any ideas you may have had, but this is what dating me entails.”

“Yeah, okay. I like you.” _Bleh,_ saying it felt wrong, left a bad taste in his mouth. “But I can’t date someone who isn’t willing to work with me just a little. And I might be the envy of half the school for snagging you, but none of them would even _last_ a month dating you, the way you’re acting. It’s unreasonable.” Nick realized he’d said too much. Seiji’s eyes widened, then darkened.

“Perhaps I should give one of _them_ a chance, instead of you if it’s so terrible to date me.” His countenance stormy, Seiji was not to be taken lightly just now.

“I didn’t mean—,”

“But perhaps it would be most convenient if your feelings for me abandoned you, it would make my life easier.”

“Seiji—,”

“I’m tempted to break up with you already, and it’s only been three days. You are impressively intolerable.”

“Shut up, would you?” Nick roared, and Seiji did. Surprised, more than anything, at Nick’s outburst. “I’m not writing up a stupid agenda. And I’m not apologizing for wanting you to respect _my_ wants in this relationship. And you can break up with me if you want, but I didn’t mean I wanted you to,” a blatant lie, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. “I just want it to work. And it won’t if we don’t compromise about some things.”

“I’ve respected your wants,” Seiji responded, indignant. “I let you hold my hand. I let you sit next to me.”

“How generous of you to let your _boyfriend_ be anywhere near you. And, one more thing, it’s considered impolite to call your significant other _impressively intolerable,”_ even if Nick thought the same thing about Seiji. Seiji glowered at him, and they had an almost stare-off.

“Fine.” Seiji said the single word like a jab of the blade. “What feelings do you want me to respect? On what topics shall we find a compromise?”

“No agenda for dates.”

“Then I’m planning half of them.”

“You could plan all of them for all I care,” Nick said, then thought about what sort of places Seiji might pick for dates. “But half sounds fair.”

“Very well. Anything else?”

“Not that I can think of. But you can’t just tell me to do things. Or, when you inevitably do tell me to do things, you can’t get mad when I say no to some of them.”

“Fine.”

“Cool.” Nick thought that was the end of that. Seiji closed his eyes firmly, like the sight of Nick was exhausting him. He opened them again with a sigh.

“Please say you actually _have_ a plan for tomorrow night.”

“Sure I do.” Nick winked at him. Seiji didn’t seem reassured in the least.

* * *

Seiji stared up at the vintage sign over the diner dubiously. Obviously, The Moon Rock Diner counted as ‘somewhere horrendous’ in his eyes. Nick just tugged him inside, ignoring his apprehensive expression. Seiji was so distracted by the destination of their first date that he didn’t even snap his hand away from Nick’s when they were inside. So Nick continued pulling until they were in the corner booth, a cheery overhead light fixture crafted of twisting bronze adorned with fairy lights casting a sweet glow over the turquoise covering on the cushions.

“Sit,” Nick told him. “I’ll go grab us some menus.”

“You have to get your own menus in this establishment?” Nick heard Seiji say faintly behind him.

When he returned to the booth, shoving a menu in Seiji’s hands, he saw that Seiji had moved past shock and was now appraising the small diner Nick was so fond of. He’d found it after his first match at Kings Row—after Seiji had made it all suck worse. The diner was open 24/7 but was quaint and cozy, with no trace of industrialized institution despite its hours. He’d spent a good amount of time in this booth since then.

“What do you think?” Nick asked Seiji, amused despite himself. It was kind of hilarious seeing Seiji so out of his element.

“I think…that I was right to mistrust your judgment.”

“Nah. Wait until you try the food first. They’ve got the best onion rings. And their shakes, man, you gotta try them. And the burgers are great, too. I’m telling you, it’s the best.”

“Nothing you described is on my meal plan.”

“One cheat meal a week won’t kill you. Live a little.”

“Surely, they have a salad on this menu somewhere,” Seiji said, scouring the thing without even acknowledging Nick. Whatever. Nick knew what he wanted and waited until Seiji had put down his menu before snatching it and standing.

“What do you want?” He asked. “I’ll go order for us.”

And, though Nick scoffed at Seiji’s as-healthy-as-possible dinner, he ordered it word for word—even the requests for substitutions. But he got two orders of onion rings with his own double cheeseburger.

When their order was called, Nick didn’t even bother asking Seiji if he’d grab it. That part, at least, he didn’t mind. He was always moving anyway, might as well put the movement to use. What did bug him was the lingering look of contempt on Seiji’s face.

Nick couldn’t think of any small talk, and his mouth was watering over his food, so he didn’t bother, just tucked in and assumed Seiji would follow suit. He did. Hesitantly at first but, as Seiji ate, Nick noticed the last vestiges of outright displeasure fade away. The Moon Rock Diner was _good_ , and even Seiji had to admit it.

“I’ve had worse,” Seiji said, finishing his meal much slower than Nick had devoured his own.

“Right? I love this place.”

“Do you really?” Seiji asked, and Nick couldn’t figure out what that was supposed to mean.

“Uh, yeah. Duh. Why else would I have brought you here? It’s my favorite place near campus.”

“I see.”

“See what?”

Seiji didn’t answer, just trailed eyes toward Nick’s half-eaten onion rings, and the others, untouched beside them. “You certainly seem fond of their onion rings.”

“I am,” Nick grinned, pushing the untouched rings across the table. Seiji frowned at them. “I like them so much that I’m going to have to insist you try them.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Compromise, remember?”

“One bite,” Seiji said, grumpy again. Nick didn’t really mind it this time, since this grumpiness was really just Seiji pouting about having to listen to him.

“You won’t regret it. I guarantee it.”

Nick watched as Seiji picked one of the delicious rings of goodness up, pinched between index finger and thumb as if it were the most wretched thing he’d ever handled. Watched as Seiji tried it. And he could tell that Seiji liked it. Not because his face softened in amazement or pleasure, not because he took another bite—he didn’t, he set it down on his plate instead—but because of the way he froze and threw an accusing glare at Nick. Angry that Nick had been right. Nick didn’t gloat. He just shrugged and nabbed another onion ring from his basket.

“How did you find this place?” Seiji asked, eyes cast up towards the odd light fixture again. Nick had noticed him looking at it a couple times, absently enthralled with it. Nick could understand that.

“Wandering around super late feeling sad,” Nick told him with a laugh. “You’d be surprised the things you find under those circumstances.”

“And you would know?”

“I’m something of an expert.”

“I don’t think that should be counted as a good thing.”

“Maybe not, but it’s gotten me into some fun adventures. I’ve got this friend back home who was always up for anything, and one night after I’d failed a test—,” Seiji raised an eyebrow. “Fuck off, I haven’t failed anything lately, have I? Anyway, nothing really matters before high school. Unless you want scholarships _to_ high schools, I guess. But I got into Kings Row just fine.”

“So you failed your test?” Seiji prodded Nick back on track, and he was happy to go on, telling Seiji the story of how he’d gotten banned from the haunted little antique shop in his town at one in the morning.

When the moon rose high enough to call them back to the dorms, Nick noticed that Seiji’s onion rings had all mysteriously disappeared. He cleared their table, turning his back on Seiji quickly to hide a smile. Had Seiji really prompted conversation so he could sneakily eat the damn things? It was dumb if he had. Even dumber that Nick found it the tiniest bit endearing of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know onion rings aren’t a sexy snack but they’re a yummy one and you can fight me


	5. Chapter 5

“Stop making a ruckus,” Seiji hissed Monday morning.

“I’m not trying to,” Nick bit back. “I can’t find my notebook. Shit, did I leave it in our room?”

“Just use a different one, class is starting.”

“I only have the one. I don’t like keeping track of a ton of them.”

“Evidently, you’re incapable of keeping track of just one. Here.” An efficient swoosh of paper cut the air before landing firmly under Seiji’s hand in front of Nick. “You can borrow that for today.”

“I’ll make sure to return it to you at the end of the day,” Nick joked. Happily, he abandoned his search through his bag and dropped it with a clunk to the floor.

“You can keep it.”

“Thanks, you’re a real lifesaver.”

Seiji shook his head at Nick the way you did after looking over something and finding it wanting. But Nick got started on the bell work gratefully. He forgot his notebook as often as he remembered it and, all through the day, Seiji stonily provided him with a piece of loose-leaf every time a teacher told them to write something down. Nick deplored sitting up front but there were perks to sitting next to Seiji. For today, at least.

After school, Seiji tersely told Nick that he needed to work on homework in the library and kicked it double speed, probably trying to get away from him as soon as possible. Nick had to admit that a whole day spent glued together was a bit much, and they’d had several just like it in a row.

“How’s the wooing going?”

An arm hooked around Nick’s neck and a hand roughly tousled his hair.

“Hey, Eugene.” Nick didn’t even try escaping the headlock. “What’s up?”

“Not much, just that I saw your boyfriend zooming off like he’s a goddamn bullet train and I thought I’d come check in on my favorite love story.”

“You’re way too pleased with yourself for bullying Seiji into this.”

“I had help.”

“Right, well, thanks,” Nick said awkwardly. “I’ll try not to waste all the effort you guys put in.”

“Then why are you letting him run off like that?”

“Just now? He said he had homework and needed to go to the library.”

Eugene looked at him like he was incredibly stupid. “Are you stupid? Go study with him.”

“I don’t have anything to work on,” Nick complained. How Seiji had homework to do was beyond Nick because he was sure nothing was due until Friday.

“Then go sit quietly next to Seiji while he studies. Take advantage of this golden month, man.”

“I think that’ll just annoy him.”

“Or maybe it would impress him to see your studious side.”

“Gene, I don’t have one of those and you know it. But, fine, for you, I’ll go annoy my boyfriend—,” _yuck,_ “by sitting quietly next to him like a well-trained dog.”

“That’s the spirit!”

* * *

Marcel  
  
**Today,** 3:33 PM  
**Nick:** Marcel?  
  
**Marcel:** Yeah. Who is this?  
  
**Nick:** Nick—from Kong’s Row  
  
**Marcel:** I don’t know any Kong’s Rows haha  
  
**Nick:** Kings Row. Autocorrect is sure that Kong’s makes more sense than Kings no matter how many times I type it   
  
**Marcel:** I feel your pain. Mine’s always correcting Exton to extra  
  
  
  


Marcel  
  
**Nick:** lol maybe it’s a sign 😂  
  
**Marcel:** Haha could be. What’s up?  
  
**Nick:** studying. Okay, sitting in the library while someone else studies but it’s kinda the same thing   
  
**Marcel:** ha   
  
**Marcel:** I hear you got a date out of Seiji in the end, is that true?  
  
**Nick:** how on earth do you know that?  
  
**Marcel:** Gossip gets around. And all of us over here at Extra are a little invested in your romance after that show at the meet and greet   
  
  
  


Marcel  
  
**Nick:** Seems like everyone over here at Kong’s Row is a little too invested in my romance. My friends convinced Seiji to give me a chance   
  
**Nick:** we’re dating on trial  
  
**Marcel:** On trial?  
  
**Nick:** yuuup. I get a month to make him fall for me. And he’s dead set against it. You should see his face from me just sitting next to him as he does hw  
  
**Nick:** Any tips?   
  
  
  


Marcel  
  
**Marcel:** Put down your phone and study with him. It’ll get you more brownie points than texting another guy  
  
**Nick:** seeing as I declared my love for him already, don’t think Seiji’s worried about ‘the other man’  
  
**Nick:** actually, I bet he’d love it if I packed up my inconvenient feelings and gave them to someone else   
  
**Marcel:** haha could be. But text me later, when you’re NOT spending quality time with your trial boyfriend   
  
  
  


Nick put his phone down, holding in a sigh. If only Seiji hadn’t ruined everything, Nick could still be texting Marcel right now. Could be asking if he was interested in going out. But, instead, he was stuck in a bind. He couldn’t have Marcel thinking he was a bad boyfriend. It was a shame Marcel thought he was a boyfriend at all. Not that he’d planned on lying to Marcel. Whether Nick liked it or not, he _was_ a boyfriend. Seiji’s boyfriend. For twenty-five more days.

Begrudgingly, Nick got out his laptop and pulled up some homework to chip at. Seiji didn’t look impressed in the least but that was expected. And fine by Nick.

Nick’s thoughts struggled to focus on the task at hand without an imminent deadline hanging over his head. He ended up spacing out as he stared across the table blankly. Seiji was across the table and, in Nick’s unfocused gaze, he looked blurry and fuzzy around the edges. Two nights ago, Nick had gone on a date with him. He couldn’t wrap his mind around that. It was too bizarre. Somehow, he’d scored a date with Seiji Katayama and he hadn’t even wanted it. It was funny, in a way, that neither of them wanted this at all but here they were anyway.

For now.

A month and then everything could be normal again.

But Seiji had been... _something_ at the diner. Not exactly different, not any nicer or less demanding or scowly. But he’d eaten all the onion rings. And he’d stared up at the lights. And he’d been different, in a small way that Nick couldn’t even name. Different like looking at him out of focus. Or out of context.

“If you’re just going to sit there dumbly,” Seiji said without even looking up from his work, “then why didn’t you stay in our room and out of my hair?”

This Seiji in front of him, Nick decided, could not be further from the Seiji at The Moon Rock Diner that had been almost close to tolerable. He set his attention firmly back to his computer screen.

Even after resorting to watching bootlegged movies with one earbud nestled in his ear, Nick was nearly dead from boredom when Seiji’s scribbling finally stopped. Looking up, Nick barely caught Seiji raise long fingers to his temple while his eyes shut briefly. He looked tired. Nick didn’t think perfection was worth all the effort—not in school. But Seiji had to do it all, didn’t he? Show off.

It took a toll on him that Nick had never seen before.

Seiji stood up, quickly and precisely packing away his things, no longer looking tired or wary at all. Nick knew he hadn’t imagined it but Seiji’s demeanor now made up for any momentary chink in his armor he’d shown so convincingly, Nick still wondered if he’d read the gesture wrong.

Nick scrambled to his feet, shoving his stuff away. Seiji didn’t leave him behind but he couldn’t help hurrying anyway, in case Seiji got even more impatient and huffy.

“It’s late,” Seiji said as they traversed the empty halls. It was a weird thing for Seiji to comment on. Too obvious and useless for him to say. But Seiji didn’t do small talk. Then Nick noticed the way Seiji was looking at him.

“You’re surprised I stayed the whole time,” he realized.

“I don’t expect you to join me in the library every day.” Seiji frowned a little. “That’s not necessary for you to do now that we’re dating.”

“I know. And I won’t bug you every day.” No way could he survive hours of studying instead of any fun every night. “But every once in a while is okay, right?”

“If you must. I suppose you did behave yourself well enough,” Seiji conceded.

They pushed out of the heavy doors and into the night. It really had gotten late. A whole day wasted. All for a ruse that seemed less and less important every second they got away from the scare of Jesse Coste being told Nick was crushing on him.

Fingers brushed against Nick’s, the same long and elegant fingers Nick had watched press against Seiji’s temples at their table in the library. It was a surprise to feel them wrap around his hand now, even though outdoor hand-holding was part of their weird agreement. Usually, Seiji presented Nick with his hand in an exasperated and dramatically displeased way. Or else he’d grab Nick’s hand violently and in a huff. The gentle initiation was shock enough to make Nick’s next step stutter.

“If you trip, I’m letting go.”

Nick laughed in surprise. And then he readjusted their hands, fitting them together with interlocked fingers. Seiji didn’t say anything, so either he didn’t care or hadn’t noticed this was any different from the typical way they held onto each other’s hand. It was more comfortable to Nick this way, but it also felt more intimate than the escorting-Seiji-to-a-ball hold was, their palms fit up against each other and fingers all up in each other’s business.

If Nick pretended it wasn’t Seiji’s hand he was holding, it was kinda nice. When he didn’t pretend it was someone else, it was just too unreal. Holding hands with the boy he hated more often than not? Weird, weird, weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realize i never specified in the first scene when/if eugene let nick out of the headlock and it’s just too funny to me to imagine that whole conversation happening with nick still in the headlock, resigned to his fate. so I left it and now i am pointing it out even though you might not have even noticed because i want YOU to experience the hilarity of that image as well. you’re welcome.


	6. Chapter 6

Nick didn’t really like Seiji but he thought he could make it through this with less pain than he’d anticipated when Seiji had declared they were dating last week. Sometimes, Seiji could be almost nice. He’d given Nick paper without a thought—or a complaint—today and the civil greetings were much more welcome than the glares and glowers Nick used to get from him.

This evening, they walked hand-in-hand on the journey from the gym to Castello, ignoring Eugene and Aiden’s chorused _aww_ s as they all spilled onto the grounds after practice.

“You guys are so cute,” Aiden crooned. Seiji’s nails bit into Nick’s hand. Like it was _his_ fault that Aiden sucked.

“Can’t wait for the wedding,” Eugene chimed in. “Can I be best man?”

“No,” Seiji said stonily. “There’s not going to be a wedding. And if there was a wedding, you wouldn’t be invited.”

“Nick, your boyfriend’s being mean to me.”

“There’s literally nothing I can do about that,” Nick laughed. “But, really, Seiji? The old _you’re not invited to my wedding anymore_ insult? You could do better.”

Truthfully, Nick thought it was funny and strange for Seiji to engage in such childish discourse like theoretical wedding invitations. And, as far as insults went, it was a pretty cute one. Totally immature and not witty at all. It was obvious how much Seiji hated having their romance discussed, and Nick remembered that he’d gotten a week of pestering and cajoling from the guys before this. So, this time when Seiji’s nails bit into Nick’s hand, he knew he actually deserved it. Teasing Seiji wasn’t a wise idea. But it was a fun one.

Seiji dropped Nick’s hand in a flash and hiked up the stairs with the speed of a man with something to prove. Like his stamina, long legs, and apparent dedication to using those things for fast stair-climbing.

“Whoops,” Eugene said, looking up the already empty stairs. “Made him mad.”

“He’s temperamental.” With a sigh, Nick started up the stairs too. “I’d better go deal with that.”

The trouble was, Nick had no idea how to deal with it. But, as a good boyfriend, he should probably care that Seiji was pissed, right? Try to make it better?

“I’m sorry I made fun about disinviting Eugene to our wedding,” was the brilliant fix Nick entered their room with. Seiji didn’t look particularly impressed with Nick’s apology. Nick honestly wasn’t either.

“We’re not having a wedding.”

“Well—Yeah, obviously.” And then, because Nick liked making things worse for himself, “But you’re the one who went along with it first.”

“I must have gotten that mixed up with the other ridiculous thing I’m going along with.”

“You’re the one that started this trial run,” Nick protested. Because he _really_ liked making things hard for himself.

“And perhaps I should end it,” Seiji narrowed his eyes. “I’m _trying_ to do you a favor by giving you a chance and I can’t say you’ve impressed me thus far. Instead of being grateful, you’re being difficult.”

“Am not!”

Seiji raised a single eyebrow high in judgment.

“Okay, I’m sorry for not being, uh, more grateful,” Nick tried. “But it’s a little hard dating someone that doesn’t like you.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“I mean, I guess. But it still kinda sucks a teeny tiny bit and I’m sorry that’s been getting to me.” Nick mentally patted himself on the back for that, it actually sounded pretty plausible. “Not that dating you isn’t a dream come true but I’d hoped for different motivations.” Nick held up his hands before Seiji could talk. “But I’ll get over it, I promise. Not your problem. I’ll deal with it. And no more jokes about weddings. I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Good.”

Seiji exchanged his sports bag for his school bag before walking coolly from the room. _Asshole_. Nick wondered if he ought to go after Seiji but decided that it really would annoy him today if he did.

Besides, he didn’t want to go sit in the library for ages, bored out of his mind and with nothing to do just so Seiji—a boy he didn’t even like—thought he was a good boyfriend. He was feeling more fed up with this act than he had been this morning and would rather take the hit in boyfriend points than pretend to be all heart-eyes for Seiji.

Nick collapsed on his bed and pulled out a comic, willing himself to concentrate on reading it. But his temper kept flaring. Where did Seiji get off on acting like he was doing Nick such a big favor? Who did he think he was, telling Nick he should be grateful because the boy he supposedly liked had been bullied into reluctantly and temporarily dating him? It was all made so much worse because Seiji actually thought Nick loved him and he was still acting like that.

For once, Nick couldn’t concentrate on _Ms. Marvel_ at all, shucking the comic aside in favor of his phone.

Marcel had texted during practice.

* * *

Nick dreamed of Marcel. And going on a date without any glares. And holding hands without any nails pinching his skin. And kissing.

Nick woke up with a decision. And a plan.

He couldn’t make it the rest of the month ‘dating’ Seiji. He just couldn’t. But Nick couldn’t dump him—not when he was supposed to be in love with him. Which left one option: getting Seiji to dump him instead. Without being a bad boyfriend. It sounded impossible but Nick knew exactly how he could break Seiji without arousing suspicion.

In high spirits, Nick waltzed into the gym for early morning fencing, giving Seiji an extra cheery _hello!_ Soon, he’d be free of this weird charade. Soon, he could pursue Marcel instead, and go on dates he actually wanted to go on.

Knowing today was his last as Seiji’s boyfriend, Nick happily sat with him and talked with—or, more accurately, at—him and smiled extra big when Seiji silently put loose-leaf paper in front of him. He also cleared Seiji’s lunch tray and opened every door for him and swung their hands between them when they were under the sun.

“You’re in a good mood,” Seiji said as Nick scooped up his hand again on the way to practice. “It’s exhausting.”

“Funny,” Nick beamed. “I think the same thing when you’re in a _bad_ mood. But I was just thinking that you’re right.”

“What?” Seiji asked with a wrinkle between his dramatic eyebrows. Nick smiled at that, too.

“You’re right. I’m lucky. Super fucking lucky to have a chance with you. Even if you aren’t happy about giving me one—actually, especially because you don’t wanna. It’s this or nothing. And this is definitely better than no chance at all.” Then Nick swung their hands higher, kept them going until they stopped right in front of his face. Without any hesitation, Nick pressed his lips to the back of Seiji’s hand and kissed it lightly. “And I intend to make the most of it. I’ll have you falling in love with me before my luck’s run out.”

“Will you?” Seiji asked skeptically, jerking their hands back down. Nick watched with amusement as Seiji wiped the kiss off on his pant leg. “I really don’t know where all your unfounded confidence comes from.”

“And I really don’t know where rubber comes from.”

“Rubber?”

“Yeah. Like tires. For cars, you know? Where does rubber come from?”

“I don’t know specifically, but it wouldn’t be hard to find out.”

“Great, thanks!”

“I didn’t say I’d find out for you.”

“But I know you’re curious, I can tell. You’ve got that natural proclivity for learning bullshit, don’t lie.”

“Even if I was curious, I never said I’d share the answer with you.”

“And miss the opportunity to explain something to me? You like being smarter than me and knowing more stuff, if I ask again tomorrow, I bet you’d tell me.”

Seiji frowned. “We weren’t even talking about rubber, why did you bring that up?”

“We were talking about not knowing where things come from,” Nick pointed out, knocking their joint hands against Seiji’s leg. “I thought about making a joke about not knowing where babies come from but I worried you’d take me seriously.”

Seiji looked utterly confused by Nick. Which made his smile so big, it almost turned into a laugh.

“Its a good thing you didn’t ask about babies,” Seiji said eventually, pulling away from Nick’s hand as they got to the gym. “I wouldn’t have been able to answer that without research either.”

Nick’s brain didn’t process that at first. But when it did, he really did laugh. Loud enough to get a curious look from Harvard, who was talking with the coaches and already geared up.

Catching up to Seiji, Nick slugged him lightly in the arm. “You didn’t tell me you had a sense of humor!”

“I don’t.”

“Liar,” Nick sang delightedly. “I can see it on your face, you’re smiling. Or you’re thinking about smiling.”

Seiji didn’t acknowledge Nick any more than that but Nick was sure he was right. He’d just gotten Seiji Katayama to crack a joke. Next, he might work on getting Seiji to crack a smile to match.

 _No,_ he corrected himself, _next, you’re working on getting Seiji to dump you._

* * *

Nick’s plan was brilliant and guaranteed to work. He waited impatiently in their room, watching at the door. When at last Seiji walked through it, he bounded to his feet.

Seiji was affronted by the sudden and enthusiastic movement, giving Nick a strange look.

“What is it?” He asked mistrustfully. “What do you want?”

“I’m just excited you’re back. I was waiting for you.”

Nick got an even stranger look.

“If you’re really that desperate, you could have just come with me.”

“Was that an invitation? Are you inviting me on a study date to the library?”

“No,” Seiji said, nose wrinkling to prove his abhorrence of the idea. “It was permission. If you must, you may come with me to the library again. So long as you behave. And keep the sighing to a minimum next time.”

“Sure,” Nick agreed easily. “Yeah, sounds great.” It’d never happen. Nick watched Seiji go through his familiar routine of packing his school bag for their classes tomorrow. It was quiet for a long time before Nick implemented his plan. “Hey, so, I was wondering…”

“Yes? What is it?” Seiji asked, actually turning to look at Nick while he spoke. That was progress. Probably.

“Um. We’re dating.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“And I like you.”

“Yes, I know.”

“And I’d kind of like to—well, I’d like to kiss you.”

Seiji was as horrified by the thought as Nick was. Perfect.

“Not happening.”

“But—,”

“You can kiss me after our fifth date.”

“But you want to break up with me after our fourth. One month and only one date-night a week,” Nick complained, hoping he sounded convincing.

“Yes, exactly.”

“You said you were giving me a chance,” he pushed. “Can’t you give me a full one? And we talked about compromise, remember? All I’m asking for is kissing, nothing more.”

Seiji pursed his lips. They could go back and forth on this until Seiji ended it by breaking up with Nick to avoid having to kiss him. All Nick had to do was convince Seiji he was bound and determined to kiss those lips Seiji was hiding in a stern line across his face.

“Three minutes.”

“What?”

“Three minutes,” Seiji repeated. “That’s all I’ll allot for it.”

“Three minutes…of kissing?” Nick clarified, dumbfounded.

“Yes, three minutes a night. Is that not a generous enough compromise?” Seiji asked imperiously, clearly thinking he’d won. As much as he could in this situation. Nick, on the other hand, had lost hard.

“For real?”

Seiji nodded, a slight inclination of the head and no more.

“I suppose you’ll want to do that now,” Seiji said in the same tone of voice he’d likely use if asked to kiss a toad. And then Nick fully realized that his plan had backfired. Seiji wasn’t dumping him. Seiji was yielding to his unreasonable request for kissing and giving him three minutes a night.

 _How am I so stupid?_ Nick wondered miserably. He’d just committed to kissing Seiji. Like a fucking moron, he’d trapped himself right into it if he wanted to keep up this whole crazy setup. Nick didn’t want to. Not at all. But he kind of had to.

“Unless you’re busy?” Nick hoped he didn’t sound too hopeful.

“I can squeeze in three minutes.”

And then, honest to god, Seiji pulled out his phone and Nick was sure he knew what was going on.

“Are you seriously setting a _timer?”_

“Of course. How else could we be sure not to go over?”

“Normal people don’t—whatever.” Nick realized that arguing for more time wasn’t something he actually wanted to do.

“I’m starting it now,” Seiji informed him, pocketing his phone. Nick was still a little too busy marveling at who Seiji was as a person to make a move. “Your time’s wasting and I won’t restart it.”

There was no good way out of this, which was, in an ironic sort of way, absolutely hilarious considering that both of them would have loved an excuse to forgo the kissing. But it was Nick’s fault and now he had to deal with the consequences.

“Uh, I’ll just,” he mumbled, shuffling closer to Seiji awkwardly. He badly wished he could have at least been cool and suave about this. Wow Seiji with his confidence and skill or something. Not because he really wanted Seiji to be impressed with his make out skills, but because Seiji being _un_ impressed with them was a lot more embarrassing. But if wishes were fishes, poor men would...rise? So he didn’t know that idiom, but he knew there was no way in hell he could pull off anything more than a fumbling kiss under these circumstances.

True to form, he felt like an absolute doofus as he stood toe to toe with Seiji and brought a hand up to cup his face. His hand wavered once halfway there, wanting badly to abort this mission, but he pushed through. Cheek in hand, Nick leaned in and had to crane his neck to fit his lips to Seiji’s.

It was everything he would have expected of a kiss with Seiji. He was unyielding and entirely stiff, his arms crossed over his chest and his neck and head refusing to move to allow Nick a comfortable vantage. And, of course, his lips were pinched shut. To top it all off, Nick was almost positive Seiji hadn’t closed his eyes. In a word, it was awful. Painfully awkward and bad and weird.

How the fuck was Nick supposed to work with this? For three whole minutes? He’d have better luck making out with his pillow.

Then Seiji’s lips moved a bit beneath his and Nick accidentally laughed. He had to pull away because a good a proper laugh was working its way up his throat and Nick knew better than to sputter that against Seiji’s mouth. It was even funnier when he caught sight of Seiji’s scowl. He probably thought it was rude of Nick to laugh in the face of this gift he’d very generously been given.

“Man, I’m sorry,” Nick wheezed, getting himself back together. “It’s just—we don’t have to french. Like, I’ll keep my tongue to myself, you don’t have to—to seal your mouth shut like that.” Nick giggled as he swept a thumb impulsively across the white line that was all that was left of Seiji’s lips. He’d pulled them tight between his teeth to ward Nick off, Nick had felt it and it _had_ warded him off. For a laugh break.

“If you break your word…” Seiji said warningly, releasing his lips. They looked a little pinker than usual but it was probably just the contrast from the pale line they’d been trapped in before that made Nick think so.

“I won’t. But you need to close your eyes. It’s weird if you don’t.”

Seiji considered. “All right. That sounds like a fair compromise.”

“See? This relationship stuff isn’t so hard, is it?”

Seiji didn’t answer. His eyes fell shut uneasily, Nick could tell by the way his eyelids twitched that Seiji had to fight to keep them closed. There was, Nick thought, something a little vulnerable in closing your eyes and leaving yourself at the mercy of someone else. Someone you didn’t like or trust.

Nick solidified his hold on Seiji’s face and pressed lightly, asking Seiji to tilt his head. He remained unmovable.

“Seiji,” Nick breathed. “It’s okay. Relax.”

Nick’s second hand joined the other to cup Seiji’s face and guide it to him. This time, it was a little better. Their heads fit right enough. And Seiji’s eyes weren’t glaring at him. And Seiji’s lips were soft now that they were allowed to rest naturally.

Nick kissed against Seiji’s mouth repeatedly, keeping his word to keep his tongue to himself. This, he could do. This wasn’t so bad. But Seiji was still the least enthusiastic kissing partner Nick had ever encountered. His body was too stiff.

 _I could fix that,_ Nick thought. _I could try._

So he let a hand slip from Seiji’s face, let it trail down his shoulder and bicep to tug gently at Seiji’s crossed arms. Seiji relented, allowing Nick to tug them free and pull one down to rest against Nick’s waist. It was a surprise when Seiji actually kept his hand there when Nick’s fell away to hold the nape of Seiji’s neck. Seiji’s hand was a strange heat against his side, Seiji’s mouth a curious warmth against his.

A wailing like a submarine’s alarm sounded, startling Nick so badly, he actually stumbled away from Seiji with an embarrassing sort of yelp. Sheepishly, he looked back at Seiji, fully expecting a smirk or sneer at his uncouth and uncoordinated response to the timer. But Seiji’s eyes were wide and his hand hovering near his chest, as if on its way to clutch his heart.

Nick laughed again, as much at himself as at Seiji.

“New rule,” he said, “we’re changing that alarm to a song or I’ll die of a heart attack before you get around to dumping me. And boyfriends are always the main suspect when people die under suspicious circumstances.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see, Elisse, my interests are not the only ones i can sprinkle into my fics XP


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 7 gets posted on the 17th. i love when numbers line up nicely like that

Seiji wasn’t terrible to kiss, Nick had to admit. It wasn’t exactly good, and Nick doubted he’d get used to it before their time was up but it could have been worse. Especially once Nick had discovered Seiji would let him rearrange his arms and guide his head. Seiji wasn’t generally a huge fan of being told what to do but Seiji thought of the kissing stuff as Nick’s responsibility, which meant he was unwilling to put in any effort to make it good himself. It was tantamount to a miracle that he let Nick put in the effort for him.

And three minutes a night was actually quite a lot. Nick couldn’t remember having a partner he kissed daily before. Not that he’d ever had a kissing quota at all before either, one that Seiji had dutifully filled each night this week and one that was never overfilled. When Seiji’s phone started singing, it was hands-off. That part was always awkward.

“Where are we going tomorrow?” Seiji asked Friday night, pulling out his phone to silence it. They were still pretty close; Nick hadn’t had time to back off all the way yet, Seiji’s question having come the instant their lips had parted.

“Um,” Nick said, realizing as he let his hand fall away from Seiji’s waist that he had forgotten to plan a date. “I was thinking a movie?”

Seiji narrowed his eyes. “What movie?”

“Your choice,” Nick offered, waiting to be called out for failing to come up with anything until literally just now. But Seiji didn’t accuse him of being a terrible planner this time. He considered and then he nodded.

“All right,” he agreed.

“Yeah? You’re actually down for that?” When Seiji’s eyes went back to narrowing at him, Nick cursed himself for saying stupid, unnecessary shit.

“You sound surprised.”

“Well I—I don’t know, I thought maybe movies would be beneath you? I mean, you made such a fuss about wanting agendas and not wanting to end up somewhere _horrendous…_ ”

“I like movies just fine.” Seiji wasn’t impressed with Nick, that was clear. If Nick had just shut up and taken his win, maybe Seiji wouldn’t look so offended right now. It was a good thing Nick wasn’t actually trying to seduce him because he was terrible at it. Horrendous, even. “And I don’t appreciate the judgment I’m getting from you right now.”

It was an accident, an impulse followed on route because it was something Nick might do to anyone he generally stood this close to, someone like Bobby or Eugene. He forgot it was actually Seiji he was with, which was ridiculous since it was the fact that he was talking to Seiji that made it all so funny. But, unthinkingly, Nick laughed hard and bonked his head into Seiji’s shoulder and sort of buried it there, laughing into it like the joke was too funny and he just couldn’t support himself anymore. And it _was_ pretty funny. Until he realized who he was with, brought back to reality by Seiji’s uncomfortable and startled posture against him.

Nick stepped away quickly, cutting off his laughter—and that was no small feat; Seiji’s face was a mess of stunned confusion. Funny, funny, funny.

“Sorry,” Nick managed. “It’s just, that’s a little rich, coming from you, don’t you think? You’re the most judgmental person I know, hands down.”

“Do you _want_ to date me or is this some strange and drawn out scheme to get yourself killed? Because there are simpler ways to exit this life than baiting me into pushing you out our window.”

Nick smiled. Well, he hadn’t exactly stopped smiling since his laughing fit, but he smiled bigger, trying not to relapse back into laughter.

“You’re absolutely more fun to date than I’d imagined.” Nick thought Seiji might actually be warming up to him, or just getting used to him. Before this whole dating thing, he’d never heard Seiji utter anything at all close to a joke.

“More fun than you’d imagined?” Seiji asked, more offended by the second.

_Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh._

“Yeah, well, I mean. I’m stupid enough to like you, not stupid enough to think you’d actually want to date me. I guess I kind of always…let that leak into my daydreams. But this is fun. You’re actually being a pretty good sport about it all.” Strangely, Nick kind of meant it. Meant the part that wasn’t about daydreaming and liking Seiji, anyway. Seiji _was_ putting up with this way better than expected, even if, by normal person standards, he was being an ass. And it was a little funny being in on the joke instead of being caught up in some delusional romantic aspirations.

Seiji obviously didn’t know what to do with that. He snapped his features into a scowl, wiping off the soft bafflement. If Nick didn’t know better, he’d think Seiji was a little embarrassed.

“I’ll arrange the movie, then,” Seiji said, brisk and businesslike. “And I assume you’ll be wanting dinner as well? At that strange little diner?”

The fact that Seiji was bringing up The Moon Rock Diner at all made Nick think that, just maybe, Seiji was the one that wanted to go there.

“Yeah,” he grinned. “You already get me.”

“Try not to offend me any more tonight or there won’t be a date tomorrow.”

“Got it,” Nick nodded seriously. It was getting late, and his attention wandered over to his bed. But, before making his way over to it, he flashed another smile at Seiji. “I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”

* * *

The theatre was decently crowded when Nick and Seiji found their way into it after getting snacks. After Nick had gotten snacks and Seiji had frowned disapprovingly at him.

“Where are our seats?” Nick asked because Seiji was a planner and had, of course, gotten their tickets last night.

“Just follow me,” Seiji said, starting up the stairs. But they weren’t the only ones walking the stairs and Nick kept getting caught a couple of people behind Seiji. “Stop letting everyone cut in front of you,” Seiji huffed impatiently when Nick rejoined him for the second time.

“Sorry,” Nick said lamely, letting another lady slip between him and Seiji on her way to go to the bathroom or get more snacks or sneak into a different movie or whatever.

“Here.” Seiji stuck out his hand. Nick stared at it. Did Seiji want a snack after all? He half-heartedly offered Seiji the popcorn but got huffed at again. Seiji grabbed onto his other hand, the one free of snacks, and pulled him up the stairs and down an aisle and to their seats.

Nick was acutely aware of the throng in the theatre as his hand slid against Seiji’s. The Moon wasn’t a very big establishment and wasn’t generally filled with patrons. The movie theatre felt more public. Nick didn’t mind holding hands with a boy in public. Didn’t mind everyone knowing he was on a date. But he was a little surprised that Seiji didn’t care. Seiji wasn’t exactly closet-case material, but he didn’t seem the type to be into PDA, especially out in the real world. Nick kind of liked it. Kind of liked how Seiji hadn’t paused and considered at all when grabbing his hand. That was the sort of confidence he’d always admired in Seiji, despite himself.

“Stop smiling like that, it’s disgusting,” Seiji told him, dropping his hand and pointing down at the seat he was meant to sit in.

“I wasn’t smiling. Was I?”

Seiji’s familiar unimpressed look was answer enough.

It was immediately obvious that Seiji was the type of person to detest talking during movies. He shushed Nick during the previews, which was unreasonable. Nick slumped back into his seat and tried to keep his thoughts to himself. He wasn’t very good at it. There was so much to say and no one but Seiji to say it to. But he tried his best to behave.

When the movie started, Nick’s lips were zipped. But it wasn’t long before he thought of something funny to say and had to lean over to whisper it in Seiji’s ear, risking his wrath in doing so. Seiji didn’t acknowledge him at all, too set on watching the movie to deal with Nick’s nonsense. That didn’t deter Nick. In fact, it encouraged him. With no consequence to his commentary, he continued it. Even when he was quiet, Nick stayed close to Seiji, just in case something good occurred to him.

Surprisingly, Seiji hadn’t pressed himself into the farthest corner of his seat to escape from Nick, so their shoulders pressed together. It wasn’t much as far as romantic gestures went, but it wasn’t half bad. It felt a little more like a date than their previous one had and Nick suddenly wondered if he ought to be working to make this even more date-like. Should he pull the old arm-around-the-shoulders move? Try and pull Seiji closer? That was a date thing, but was it a _Seiji_ date thing? It was hard to say. Nick couldn’t imagine Seiji snuggled up on any guy’s chest, much less his _._ But Seiji had held his hand earlier. For practicality’s sake only, but still.

Nick settled on sneaking his hand over to Seiji’s lap and weaving his fingers into Seiji’s. For the first time since the movie had started, Seiji’s eyes left the screen, cutting to Nick with low brows. They returned quickly to the screen and Seiji’s fingers didn’t extricate themselves from Nick’s. So he hadn’t fucked up. Hand-holding during movies was fine enough by Seiji’s standards and it encouraged the idea that Nick had any desire to actually be on a date with him. All around, it was a pretty good deal.


	8. Chapter 8

Nick and Seiji tumbled back into their room just before curfew, Nick feeling a little giggly and giddy from the close call. The movie had been pretty long and then they’d stayed late at The Moon Rock Diner.

“I don’t understand what’s gotten you so worked up.” Seiji wasn’t the least bit giggly. Nick couldn’t even imagine what a giggly Seiji would look like. “You’ve stayed out _past_ curfew before. This shouldn’t be all that exciting.”

“Whatever,” Nick waved Seiji off, not letting him drag down his fun. “You going to bed?”

“It’s curfew,” Seiji said, tipping his head to his fancy watch. Nick couldn’t read it from here, but he was sure Seiji was right. It had to be almost 9:30.

“Yeah, I guess. So should we save the kissing for tomorrow? Six whole minutes, that’ll be a treat.”

Seiji froze. “Kisses don’t roll over,” he said firmly, seeming to decide on that rule on the spot.

“Stingy,” Nick teased.

“I don’t need you hoarding them all and taking up more time than I have.”

“You’re just scared that you’d like it too much if we ever had enough time to get into it,” Nick sang happily, not believing it but wanting to be a pain in the ass anyway. Seiji efficiently pulled out his phone and tapped away at it.

“You’re on the clock.”

The first time Seiji had started what Nick lovingly called the Tongue Timer when Nick was irritating him, Nick had thought it was coincidence. After only the handful of days they’d had this arrangement, Nick knew better. Seiji liked cutting off arguments or derailing conversations he found tiresome by starting the Tongue Timer, making Nick either shut up or waste his three minutes.

With a laugh and a shake of his head, Nick stepped forward and swept Seiji to him in the routine he’d gotten surprisingly used to. Seiji’s head tilted easier now, and his hands even found their own way to a semi-awkward hold on Nick’s hips.

Nick pressed his mouth to Seiji’s again. Over the last couple nights, he’d started trying to spice things up a bit by experimenting with pressures, and had found that Seiji seemed almost to like the hard kisses better, or, at least, they made him react in tiny ways. He’d tilt his head a little of his own accord to allow Nick more room to work with, or else his fingers would tighten and loosen again at his hips, or, just once, he’d pressed back a little bit.

Right as Nick started them off with some firm, closed-mouth kisses tonight, a bell went off, loud and startling. This time, though, they both reacted to the sudden and jarring noise somewhat differently than they had that first night with the awful submarine blare. This time, Nick’s first instinct was to hold Seiji tighter, embarrassingly like a kid with a teddy bear. Seiji gasped, his mouth opening against Nick’s in surprise. The curfew bell was brief and, once it had passed, Nick fully expected Seiji to yank away and declare it lights out. He didn’t. He didn’t even close the soft ‘o’ of his mouth all the way once the fright had passed.

Nick wasn’t dumb enough to take it as an invitation, but he did match it tentatively. No tongues, but the open-mouthed kisses were a whole new layer to play with. Seiji still preferred more pressure in his kisses. It wasn’t a surprise when the alarm went off, but it felt like it had come faster than on previous nights. Probably because of the interruption of the curfew bell.

“You taste like onion rings,” Nick said, for no other reason than his inability to keep stupid thoughts to himself. Seiji glowered. _There goes the possibility of any more of that_ , Nick thought, making a face he hoped conveyed apology and acknowledgment of his dumb comment. “I really like The Moon’s onion rings, though,” he offered.

“It’s past curfew. Go to bed.”

“I deserve that,” Nick agreed, nodding his head solemnly. “Goodnight, Seiji.”

* * *

“I hate the library,” Nick complained, following Seiji there after school on Monday. “The chairs get uncomfortable after an hour and it’s so quiet, it makes my head hurt.”

“Your whining makes my head hurt. Don’t come if you hate it so much.”

“But last week, you said I should come if I missed you so much. Make up your mind.”

 _“You_ make up your mind,” Seiji told him sternly. “Do you want to be with me or do you want to avoid the library? I don’t care if you’d rather go back to our room and waste time there until practice, I just don’t want to hear about it.”

“I want to spend time with you,” Nick said, tugging Seiji to a stop outside the library. And he kind of meant it. It didn’t suck so much anymore, hanging out with Seiji. Once you got used to it, his particular brand of company was all right. “But can’t you study in our room instead? Beds are way more comfortable than the library’s chairs.”

“The environment helps me focus.”

“What about it helps?”

“Sitting upright. The quiet. The atmosphere.” Seiji frowned, seeming to go back over his answers and find them less than he’d hoped. He looked self-conscious before covering it with a scowl. “I don’t know. But I’m productive there.”

“What if,” Nick wheedled, dragging Seiji’s hand up to play his thumb across Seiji’s long fingers, “I was really quiet and you could sit up straight against the wall or even in the uncomfortable little chair in our room? What if you tried being productive there instead of here today? Just once. And if it’s no good, you can return to the library tomorrow.”

“And why should I agree to disrupt my schedule like that just because you requested it?”

Nick shrugged. “Compromise?”

“And how are you compromising at all in that?”

“Being quiet! Plus, I’ll shut up complaining. C’mon, try it?”

Seiji looked at the doors that would let him into his beloved library, a frown etching his face and impatience flickering in his eyes. Then his frown was turned on Nick.

“Fine. I’ll study in our room before practice. But you have to actually work on homework too.”

“What? Why?”

“Compromise.”

“I don’t see how my working benefits you at all,” Nick mumbled.

“It will keep you busy.” Seiji’s sneaky little smile, the one that crinkled in the corners of his eyes more than having anything to do with his mouth, told Nick that Seiji was only putting that condition down to piss him off because Seiji felt he was getting the short end of the stick.

 _Wait. Since when can I interpret Seiji’s smiles? Since when did I know he even_ had _smiles in his eyes?_

Nick stared at Seiji a little too long, dumbstruck by his own unwitting discovery. Seiji looked away and turned them around.

“Come on, your plan’s already wasted enough of my time. Let’s get back to the room quickly.”

Nick let Seiji pull him along again and the strangest impulse hit him, walking along next to Seiji—his boyfriend—with their hands knotted together, Nick thought about how, if things were different, he’d want to kiss the hand he held. Then he remembered that things were _supposed_ to be different, as far as Seiji knew. So he swung Seiji’s hand up to his mouth and kissed it. He’d gotten what he’d wanted, after all, some celebration felt in order. No library today.

“What are you doing?” Seiji snapped, his hand jerking, but not enough to actually unfurl from Nick’s.

“Nothing much.”

“Now is not the time for kissing, Nicholas.”

“Really?” Nick laughed at the disgruntled expression Seiji wore. “Fine, then. You can put that on my tab.”

“Your tab?”

“Sure. Take a second off your timer tonight to make up for it.”

“I’m taking two,” Seiji challenged. Probably just to see if he could.

“All right. Two seconds for a kiss to the hand. A fair price.” Nick could only hope that Seiji’s next boyfriend had a sense of humor. The poor fool was gonna need it if he had any hope of actually dating Seiji.

Back in their room, Seiji, unsurprisingly, set up shop at their desk. Nick settled on his bed and begrudgingly pulled out his computer and the textbook he was meant to be reading for science. With one earbud stuffed in an ear, Nick got to work.

He wasn’t sure why he’d put up such a fight to get Seiji back here just to work. It was more comfortable than the library, sure, but he didn’t need Seiji to be in the room for it to be comfortable. It made him feel like a better boyfriend to spend time with Seiji. Maybe that was it. Selling the lie and all that.

“Are you even reading?” Seiji asked, peering over at Nick. It was a little weird not to have the curtain protecting him from Seiji’s judgment.

“I am,” Nick said, holding up the heavy and toxically green textbook as proof.

“Staring at the page and spacing out doesn’t count.”

“I don’t get the carbon cycle and I don’t see why I need to.”

“You’re already stuck and you’ve only made it to the carbon cycle?”

“Sorry I’m not a genius like you,” Nick griped, cheeks heating. Seiji watched his embarrassment curiously, then his expression shifted, his eyebrow lifting a little.

“I didn’t mean to imply you’re stupid.”

Nick wasn’t sure what was most surprising, that Seiji _hadn’t_ meant to call him dumb, or that he cared that Nick thought that’s what he’d meant.

“Just lazy,” Nick grinned. Seiji didn’t lighten at all. But then, he never really did. “Hey, I’m not upset so stop looking at me like you’ve just kicked me.”

Seiji returned silently to his own work. Nick did the same. Stupid carbon cycle. And what a dumb picture, anyway. The cow was half the size of the factory and that wasn’t how cows were. Moose, though, were massive. Maybe not _that_ massive but bigger than Nick always thought they were. And he’d read something the other day about how they’d dive, like, 30 feet or something underwater to hunt. Did they eat fish? Were they carnivores? That didn’t seem right but—

“Here,” Seiji’s strangely soft voice snapped Nick’s runaway thoughts back to focus. Seiji was sitting on his bed, taking his textbook out of his hands, nimble fingers tracing over the stupid diagram as he explained it. Honest to fuck, Seiji Katayama was sitting next to him and explaining the concept with uncharacteristic patience for Nick. And, stranger still, Nick got it. The way Seiji explained it, it finally made sense. Giant cows notwithstanding.

“Thanks,” Nick said dumbly as the book was slid back into his lap.

“You’ve got to figure out how to deal with your attention span.” It wasn’t a _you’re welcome_ but there was only so much Nick could ask for from Seiji in one day.

“Probably. Hey, this is more comfortable than a desk, right?”

“What?”

“I’m just saying there’s no way your ass doesn’t get sore from sitting in that awful chair. You should stay.”

“On your bed?”

“Yeah.”

“I need to write.”

“Easy fix,” Nick assured him before reaching across him to grab the stuff he’d left on the desk. “Here, you can use a book as a clipboard,” Nick said, demonstrating. Seiji looked at his improvised surface like it offended him greatly. But he took it with a sigh.

“Fine. I’ll try.”

It worked. Well enough that Seiji returned to sit on Nick’s bed the next day with the same setup. At Nick’s smug look, he huffed and scribbled more furiously on his worksheet.

“If you expect this to become routine,” he warned, pausing in his work after a long while, “then we’re going shopping for a proper lap desk this Saturday for our date.”

“A compromise well worth it,” Nick agreed. It was Seiji’s turn to plan their date anyway and shopping for school supplies seemed as good a date as Nick could have hoped for with Seiji in charge. “This is kind of nice, isn’t it?”

Nick bumped his shoulder into Seiji’s. And, for a second, it seemed strange to Nick that Seiji was sitting close enough for him to do that. But it _was_ nice to feel the weight of another body next to him, the solidness of it. Even if it was Seiji, it was nice. But then Seiji sighed and put aside his things and stood, and Nick was sure he’d scared Seiji off. Maybe Seiji could sense that he’d meant it, that he actually kind of liked the company—

“I’d like to get to sleep, tomorrow’s an early day for me.”

“Oh. All right.”

“We haven’t met the quota yet,” Seiji said impatiently when Nick didn’t move.

“Oh! All right,” Nick had to fight off a smile as he stood. “That’s nice of you to mention it instead of skipping it.”

“Just get to it. And you’re down four seconds.”

“No way—!” Then Nick remembered that he’d kissed Seiji’s palm this morning and pecked his cheek after sitting down for lunch. After that, he remembered that he shouldn’t care about lost time. He should even be celebrating the seconds he got back from having to kiss Seiji. “You’re right. Two minutes and fifty-six seconds it is.”

Seiji nodded. When he was finished fiddling with his phone, Nick pulled him in by the waist. Seiji very cooperatively adjusted his head himself. And, not long after, his arms settled over Nick’s shoulders. It was the first time he’d done anything with his arms without some sort of prompting, and now Nick really couldn’t fight off that smile. Seiji couldn’t see it, though, so it didn’t really count. Nobody but Nick had to know that he thought Seiji was being just the tiniest bit cute, warming up to the kisses like this. And if nobody else knew, who could say that Nick was feeling anything at all about any of this?

Nick smothered his smile against Seiji’s mouth and found it open for the first time since Saturday. This time, he did the stupid thing. Out of curiosity more than anything. With a dart of his tongue, he asked Seiji’s mouth to open more. And, instead of getting shoved away like he’d expected, Nick was given what he’d stupidly asked for.

 _Good one, idiot, now you actually have to take it,_ Nick thought. But even he wasn’t overly convinced by the voice in his head.

Seiji didn’t taste like onion rings tonight, he tasted warm and nice. Better than the surprising softness of Seiji’s mouth was the way his arms tightened around Nick. Even if it was Seiji, this kind of closeness wasn’t so bad, really.


	9. Chapter 9

Seiji selected a pretty blue lap desk with a little dock for his pencils and an attached cushion on the bottom.

“What?” Seiji asked as they stood in line after forever of careful analyzing and picking.

“Nothing. I just would have thought you’d go for a black one. Seems more…professional, I guess,” Nick said, saving himself before saying _boring._

“Blue is my favorite color,” Seiji said somewhat defensively.

“Like your shoes. Shoulda guessed. I like that.”

“I don’t care. My preference for colors is not to impress you.”

“Really? I was sure that you specifically picked your favorite color based on what I’d like.” Nick rolled his eyes. “And I like red better, anyway.”

“Like your shoes,” Seiji returned, then stepped up to the cashier. Nick shouldn’t have been surprised that Seiji had noticed that, but he liked it anyway. They’d fenced enough now that it would be pretty pathetic if Seiji didn’t pay at least _that_ much attention to him on the piste. But it still made him a little happy to hear from Seiji that he had paid him even that much attention when they fenced.

“Hey,” Nick said, remembering something, “does Coach seem weirdly happy about us, or is that just me?”

“Just you that’s happy or just you that’s noticed how strangely supportive Coach Williams is of our relationship?”

Nick laughed and caught up Seiji’s hand as they stepped out of the store.

“I _am_ pretty happy about us,” Nick grinned, just to see what Seiji would say. He didn’t say anything, but he did blush. So light that it would have been easy to miss on anyone else. But it was on Seiji, and it was so unheard of to see pink splash across these particular cheeks that it was the most blatantly obvious and startling thing Nick had ever seen. _Huh._ Since when was something like that enough to make Seiji blush? He’d looked disgusted when Nick had very publicly—and accidentally—declared his love for him. So why was _this_ worth a face like _that?_

Nick didn’t know. He also didn’t know why he had the sudden urge to kiss Seiji. And he knew even less why he let himself do it. Right there, under the shade of a maple tree, on a quiet sidewalk, Nick kind of tugged Seiji to him and pressed a quick kiss to Seiji’s lips. When he drew away, Seiji’s eyes were wide and even more surprised than Nick was.

“You cheat,” Seiji accused, touching fingers against his mouth as if he was contemplating wiping Nick’s kiss off him.

“You can have five seconds for that,” Nick told him, feeling just a little sheepish for his behavior. Seiji dropped his hand again without trying to erase the kiss.

“As long as you’re paying handsomely for it, I guess I can’t call you a cheat.”

“That’s the spirit!”

“To answer your question, I have noticed Coach Williams's approval of this relationship, yes.”

“Did she give you a talk about starting to date me without her permission?”

“No. Did she lecture _you_ about it?”

“Not specifically _dating_ you, exactly, but she told me off for confessing to you before running it by her first.”

“How interesting.”

“She said it was fine, though, since she thinks we’re good together.”

“Does she?”

“Yeah. I swear the whole team is more excited about us than you are.” Nick felt Seiji shift uncomfortably at that and winced. “Sorry, stupid thing to say.”

“Why should I care? You’re just telling the truth.”

“Ouch.”

“You’re the one that said it.”

“True. Well, whatever. We’ve still got loads of time, want to hit The Moon?”

“But we already had dinner at school.”

“It’s a place to hang. Mix up the scenery a bit, you know?”

“How is it mixing up the scenery when we’ve been there every week?”

“Because we both like it there and it’s not school. Come on, I want ice cream.”

Seiji didn’t protest any more, which meant victory in Nick’s eyes.

Once at The Moon Rock Diner, Nick deposited Seiji in their normal booth and went to order himself a sundae, a water for Seiji, and an order of onion rings to share. When he slid into place next to Seiji with his offerings, he noticed the way Seiji’s eyes trailed on the sundae.

“Are you going to judge me?” Nick asked, taking a big bite.

“I wasn’t.”

“Oh yeah? Then I guess you must want some,” Nick teased, scooping up another spoonful and flying it obnoxiously to Seiji’s tipped-down mouth.

“I don’t,” Seiji sulked. Nick’s eyes widened in glee.

“Oh my god, you really do, don’t you?” Nick pressed the spoon right into Seiji’s face with a snicker. Seiji startled backward, away from the treat, glaring at Nick something fierce. But Nick didn’t relent, waving the spoon at him until Seiji grabbed his hand. Instead of shoving it away, though, Seiji guided the spoon into his mouth before releasing Nick’s hand again. “Oh shit, you’re kind of adorable. Don’t move, I’m gonna go get another spoon.”

The rest of the date was spent sharing onion rings and Nick’s sundae, the glass of water all but forgotten.

* * *

Seiji let Nick slip back inside his mouth after he’d put away his brand new blue lap desk. He’d stepped right up to Nick and started in on it with the air of doing a chore he wanted to be done with as soon as possible. But Nick hadn’t seen him set the timer and he didn’t hear it go off, either, when Seiji withdrew after a string of kisses that had felt suspiciously long.

And, the next day, when Seiji put his new desk to the test, he sat a little closer to Nick than he’d already been sitting for a week. In fact, as the days went on, Nick was damn sure the Tongue Timer had been abandoned—even when Nick stole kisses of all sorts from Seiji all day long—and Seiji snuck ever closer during study time.

It was Thursday that convinced Nick of Seiji’s thawing feelings. Nick didn’t necessarily always study during their study dates, and Seiji only scolded him lightly when he noticed it. But Seiji always diligently studied while Nick sat happily next to him and plodded along on some homework or, more often, dicked around on his computer or phone or caught up on comics. But Thursday night, Seiji sat down sans desk or work.

“Low homework night?” Nick asked. Seiji nodded. “Honestly, I’m always surprised that you manage to have so much work to do all the time. We’re in most the same classes and I get by with, like, half the work.”

“I like doing things thoroughly and I like doing them well.”

“Well, I’m glad you’ve got a bit of a break tonight, then. You deserve it. And we don’t have fencing so that’s a decent chunk of free time. Anything you want to do?”

“Generally, when I have free time, I fence.” Seiji sighed, sagging a bit beside Nick. “But my body does need an off day.”

“Yeah, I feel that,” Nick said cautiously, wondering when Seiji was going to realize he had no reason to be sitting here. After a quiet moment, he did get up and Nick thought that was the end of that. But he came back, book in hand. “What the hell is that?”

“My book,” Seiji shot Nick a judgey look, opening it up to reveal a cutesy bookmark tucked into the pages.

“It’s huge. You read that for fun?”

“Yes.” He said it so definitively, Nick felt inclined to drop it, like, duh, of course, Seiji found that shit fun, how silly of him to doubt it.

Whatever.

Nick went back to his own fun. It was weird not hearing the clacking of keys or scratching of pencil or uncapping of highlighters from the boy next to him. Knowing that Seiji was just chilling on his bed made it feel different somehow. More intimate. Nick wasn’t sure what to feel about it. But it definitely felt strange to be sitting as rigidly as they were if they were just relaxing. Especially if they were meant to be dating.

“Do you wanna...” he started, then came to his senses and shut up. But Seiji was looking up from his book, expectant and waiting for Nick to finish.

“What?” He asked when Nick didn’t. “Do I want to what?”

“I don’t know. Like, snuggle or something?”

“You’re very high-maintenance,” Seiji sighed again.

“Me? Have you met yourself? Never mind, just forget it.” Nick mumbled. “I just thought you might want to get more comfortable since you’re not working, y’know? So you don’t have to be all straight-backed and all…” But there was really no reason Nick should want to snuggle with Seiji so he wished he hadn’t brought it up at all.

“If you must, you may… _snuggle_ me.” The word sounded awkward and saturated in reluctance coming from Seiji. But he’d granted permission, which meant Nick had to go ahead and do it. Because, if he was actually in love with Seiji, he wouldn’t pass up the opportunity.

As usual, Seiji made no effort to make things easy for Nick. He ended up drawing Seiji in with the classic arm-around-the-shoulders move he’d avoided at the movie theatre. Seiji allowed it. He even shifted to make himself comfortable.

Situated like this, it was kind of easy to forget that it was Seiji he had his arm around. Easy to pretend it was someone Nick actually liked. Easy to enjoy it.


	10. Chapter 10

Nick’s last date with Seiji was scheduled for the following evening. And then only a handful of days before his trial ran out. After that, he could start pursuing Marcel. After a grace period, obviously. He wasn’t so callous that he could switch romances so fast. He couldn’t have Marcel thinking so, anyway, even though the situation was more complicated than that. Although, truth be told, texting Marcel had been put on the back burner lately.

Nick groaned and stretched, muscles already starting to ache from the drills Coach had put them through. Seiji glanced up from his homework with a disapproving frown.

“Sorry,” Nick said quickly. “I’ll be quiet. I forgot.”

“Forgot how to be quiet? That’s practically your life’s motto. I sometimes wonder if you ever learned.”

“Hey, I’m trying,” he said, pulling on a mock pout. Seiji shook his head but a yawn caught him and he stretched too.

“Yes, I suppose you are.” Seiji slid his lap desk onto the real desk at the foot of Nick’s bed and then fell back, but he misjudged and fell heavier than needed, right into Nick. But, when Seiji didn’t move from their new cramped position, Nick realized it hadn’t been a mistake.

Seiji was trying, too. The epiphany hit Nick with another one of those strange thoughts that sounded a lot like _cute._ And, before he knew it, Nick had an arm around Seiji, pulling him tight against his chest.

“So do I get a snuggle quota, too, now?” He asked into Seiji’s hair.

“Not if you keep asking stupid questions.”

So Nick didn’t. He went back to staying silent and letting Seiji do whatever it was Seiji wanted to do. Which, right now, impossibly, seemed to be snuggle. He stayed still and settled against Nick, eyes drifted shut and breaths so steady Nick wondered if he’d fallen asleep.

Eventually, Nick couldn’t resist the temptation and threw his phone aside, turning his face back into Seiji’s hair to give a kiss. Seiji shifted, face turning up to offer Nick a view of his open and aware eyes.

“Not asleep, then,” Nick observed cleverly.

“No. Not asleep.”

“Seiji?”

“Yes?”

“Do you have something planned for tomorrow?”

“For our date?”

“Yeah. I know you’re supposed to plan it, technically, but there’s somewhere I really want to take you.” And tomorrow was the last day for it. Seiji considered Nick with searching eyes. Then, slowly, he nodded.

“I’ll give the day over to you,” Seiji agreed.

Nick felt strange and fuzzy, the atmosphere so different right now than he’d ever have thought it could where Seiji was involved. He kind of wanted…he didn’t know what. But there _was_ something he wanted, lurking just outside of knowing.

Seiji shifted more, a hand coming up to cup Nick’s cheek. Seiji’s kiss came as a surprise, adding to the unnamable feeling permeating the room. Perhaps even a byproduct of it. It felt good, though. Maybe this was what Nick had wanted. A kiss. He’d gotten used to his allotted three minutes a night, his body and mind must have expected it at this point.

But as Nick and Seiji kissed lazily on his bed, Nick was absolutely certain his allotted three minutes had spilled into a much longer time. Seiji was lethargic and uncharacteristically soft, his body relaxed instead of locked up. And when Nick kissed slowly down his neck, Seiji didn’t complain. But he eventually redirected Nick’s attention, which Nick was happy enough to allow. Cinching an arm around Seiji’s waist, Nick realized that he had a guy on his bed. Realized that it wasn’t such a stretch of the imagination to have that boy laid out next to him on it. Realized that the boy was _Seiji Katayama._ Realized that he didn’t mind that at all, really.

* * *

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Seiji asked. Nick shook his head, tugging Seiji along behind him.

“You’ll like it, trust me.”

“I’m not convinced,” Seiji grumped. Nick spun around to kiss him quickly, just because that was the best way to answer Seiji’s grumpiness. He huffed impatiently at Nick but didn’t ask any more questions.

It was a nice temperature for walking, the air crisp enough to fend off overheating, but not cold enough to be unpleasant. And Seiji looked kinda nice in his sweater. Not that that mattered at all. It was just an observation.

“Okay, here we are,” Nick declared, pushing into a light green door with a four-panel window set into it. A bell tinkled quaintly as they stepped in and the warm smell of chocolate and pages of old books enveloped them.

“A bookshop?” Seiji looked around the tiny shop with a curious expression on his face.

“Yeah. I found it when out exploring with Bobby and I thought of you. I mean, you said you like the atmosphere of the library and you’re always reading…” Nick shrugged, feeling a little self-conscious under Seiji’s gaze. He’d specifically requested to plan this date, but maybe a bookshop wasn’t worth all that. “And there’s a chocolate shop next door, I thought you might like it here. I wanted to go somewhere good since it’s, you know,” Nick veered away from actually specifying what they knew. “I just wanted it to be good, that’s all.”

Seiji’s face was unreadable, the little furrow between his eyebrows and slight tilt to his head as he regarded Nick adding up to something a step past curiosity. Wonder, maybe. When he finally turned his eyes away from Nick, Seiji was smiling the tiniest bit. As in, he wasn’t frowning. And, from him, that counted as a smile.

Seiji looked around the cozy shop stuffed with books and then went to wandering. For once, he didn’t obey the outdoors-only hand-holding rule, taking Nick with him as he brushed his free fingers across the spines of books, occasionally pulling one out to read the synopsis or the first page.

“Why do you keep looking around like that?”

Nick jumped at the sudden question. Seiji still had his nose in a book and Nick hadn’t expected him to speak. Or to have noticed Nick’s fidgeting. But, of course, that was bound to annoy Seiji.

“There’s—ah! There she is!”

“I’m sorry, are you meeting someone here? Correct me if I’m mistaken but I was under the impression that this was a date,” Seiji said blandly, not looking up from his book. Nick kissed the back of his hand before dropping it.

“Be right back. Stay put.”

Nick ducked around a couple bookshelves and retrieved the gloriously fluffy cat that patrolled the shop. Bobby had squealed in delight and hit Nick’s arm so hard and so repeatedly in excitement when he’d spotted her that Nick had been sure there’d be a bruise leftover from their adventure. The cat was good about being handled and mewled softly when Nick scooped her up from the sunspot he’d found her in.

“Seiji,” Nick said, coming back to his boyfriend, “this is Mrs. Norris.”

It occurred to Nick as Seiji blinked at him, and then at Mrs. Norris, that it was entirely possible Seiji didn’t like animals and wouldn’t appreciate having a cat shoved in his face. What if he was allergic? Or thought cats were unhygienic? Maybe this hadn’t been a good idea.

Seiji reshelved his book and, with careful but quick hands that betrayed an eagerness, eased Mrs. Norris out of Nick’s arms and into his.

“How’d you know?” Seiji asked, petting the now purring cat. He looked happier than Nick had anticipated, and he grinned at the sight.

“That you like cats?”

Seiji nodded. “I’ve got one at home but I don’t get to see him much.”

“I’m a mind reader.” Nick joined Seiji in petting Mrs. Norris. “Or I Sherlock Holmes’d you and noticed cat hair on you once.”

“Not likely.”

“Fine. Lucky guess,” Nick offered honestly. “Who doesn’t like animals?” Nick didn’t mention that he’d just been mentally questioning if _Seiji_ did. “Plus, I _did_ notice you’ve got a bookmark with a cute little kitty on it.”

Seiji smiled lightly down at the fluff ball in his arms, scratching her fondly behind the ears. Nick got the feeling that he might be sitting here playing with the cat for even longer tonight than he had when Bobby had been the one entranced with Mrs. Norris. He didn’t mind. Not if Seiji was gonna look like _that_ the whole time.

“The bookmark’s from my mother. She sent it at the start of the year, said it reminded her of TenSoon.”

“Your cat’s name is TenSoon?”

“It’s from a book.”

“God, you really belong here, don’t you? Anyway, you’ll have to show me pictures of him later.”

“All right,” Seiji agreed, then swept past Nick, back to the chair he’d stolen the cat from. Seiji sat in it, situating Mrs. Norris carefully on his lap. She actually stayed for him too. Nick and Bobby hadn’t been able to convince her to sit with them without also holding her. Settled in his sunspot with his new friend, Seiji reached for a book on a nearby shelf and cracked it open, hardly considering it beyond a cursory glance. Nick had to snap a picture of it all, just to prove it was actually happening.

“Let me know when you’re ready for chocolate,” Nick said, dropping a kiss on Seiji’s head, which was already warming under the sun that filtered in and bathed him and the cat in light. Seiji hummed softly so Nick would know he’d heard. Nick shook his head with a little smile, ambling off to find something interesting to read. He had a feeling it’d be a while before Seiji was ready to leave for the chocolate shop next door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do _not_ look up TenSoon if you have any intention of reading [Mistborn](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/68428.The_Final_Empire), you will get major spoiled. (i would be surprised if any of you do have any intention of reading that tbh but if you do hmu). just trust me when i say the cat is indeed named after an animal of sorts from a book


	11. Chapter 11

“So you and Seiji are going strong, yeah?” Eugene asked after practice on Wednesday. “You’ve been too busy for me lately.”

“Should have thought of that before you bullied Seiji into dating me,” Nick responded with a friendly elbow to the arm.

“You’re glad I did. But you’ve gotta learn how to balance your friends with your love life. Bobby’s been feeling real neglected lately too.”

“Aw, Eugene, I didn’t know my friendship meant so much to you.”

“Then you haven’t been paying attention.” Eugene’s grin could easily have been mocking _or_ sincere.

“Wanna play _Don’t Starve Together?”_ Nick suggested, deciding to take Eugene’s words at face value.

“Hell yeah. I’ll meet you at yours in ten.”

“Cool.”

Seiji emerged from the gym, then, having hung back to discuss something with Coach. Nick held out his hand and Seiji took it, notching their fingers together without hesitance.

“Ready?”

“Obviously.”

“Let’s go. See you in a bit, Eugene,” Nick told his friend as Seiji started walking him back to their room.

“Why are you seeing Eugene in a bit?” Seiji asked.

“He’s coming over to play video games. That okay?” When Seiji didn’t respond right away, Nick went on. “I know you don’t really like other people in the room but it’s been a while. And we’ll be quiet.”

“Fine, all right.”

* * *

It was fun hanging with Eugene. Nick really had been neglecting his friends in favor of his charade with Seiji. He’d have to fix that. He’d— _oh._

“Nick, the bees are gonna get you, moron!”

Nick’s little character got gotten by bees while his mind tried stuttering back into motion. Because he’d just realized that he wouldn’t have to organize his schedule with Seiji to allow for friend time because, starting tomorrow, there’d be no scheduling conflict at all. This was it. The last day. It _had_ been a Wednesday when Seiji had barged in and ruefully pronounced them dating four weeks ago, hadn’t it? That meant that he’d pronounce them _un_ dating tonight. A month’s time.

It was strange that Nick had forgotten. He’d been counting down to now since it had started.

“You’re awful at this game,” Eugene teased, running gleeful circles around Nick’s respawned avatar.

“Am not, I just spaced out,” Nick protested.

“Prove it, bee bait.”

Nick gave Eugene the finger before redirecting his hand to his keyboard to go off foraging before dark. Across the room, Nick could hear Seiji’s typing, the clicking and clacking of it sounding louder and more aggressive than usual. That would be because of Nick’s sudden awareness of Seiji. Of the fact that this was the last day he would ever call Seiji his boyfriend. Not that he typically went around screaming it the way Tanner liked to scream about Kally. But the point was, he wouldn’t have anything to theoretically scream about tomorrow or ever again, not where Seiji was concerned.

 _Until I beat him,_ Nick reminded himself. He could gloat endlessly then. And that was how things should be.

As Eugene swore loudly over frogs and Nick laughed mercilessly at him, Seiji’s laptop slammed shut and he could be heard packing up on the other side of the curtain.

“I’m going to the library,” Seiji told them, appearing from behind the curtain with his bag on his shoulder.

“Okay, have fun,” Nick said cheerily. “See you later.”

Seiji stormed from the room a moment later, leaving both Nick and Eugene to stare after him.

“What’s his deal?” Eugene asked.

“He’s really picky about noise while he’s studying,” Nick explained. “I think we got a little loud.”

“Whoops. Do you need to go after him or something?”

“No, he’ll be happier in the library. I strong-armed him into working in the room, anyway.” Seiji was probably happy to have the excuse to be back there. It was only speeding up the inevitable by a day, and that was the least Nick could do, really. Give Seiji back a day for this whole pointless play he’d dragged him through.

 _Wait a minute,_ Nick scolded himself, _Seiji’s the one who started this with his Jesse scheme. Asshole._

Nick went back to playing the game, with a bit of side-eye from Eugene. But he got over it soon enough.

It was hours before Seiji came back. By that point, Nick and Eugene had tired of their game and sat slouched on his bed browsing the internet and largely ignoring each other, except to share a funny meme or video.

“Hey, Seiji,” Eugene said when Seiji glanced over at them. Seiji’s mouth ticked down in a frown but he gave Eugene a curt nod before returning again to his side of the room, just barely in sight still.

Seiji deposited his bag heavily, kicked off his shoes, and shucked off his school blazer. Nick didn’t know why he’d even bothered putting that back on after practice, but Seiji was full of mysteries.

One of those mysteries being why he decided to come right up to the bed with such a determined look on his face that Nick was sure he was about to get told off and, instead of delivering any sort of scolding at all, sat down, tucked up against Nick’s side and settled in there. Startled, Nick’s displaced arm hovered dumbly before taking up its semi-normal spot around Seiji’s shoulders. At that, Seiji let out a sigh of what sounded like relief. Like he’d been waiting for this all day and was satisfied to finally be getting it. His face, too, betrayed some level of contentment.

It was, undeniably, adorable. And surprising.

Nick looked up from Seiji and over to Eugene, finding his shock mirrored there. Then Eugene smirked and mouthed _you’re welcome._ Nick ignored him, looking back down to the boy snuggled against his chest and looking as pleased as Mrs. Norris had looked on his lap on Saturday.

“Oh shit, I think I’m in love,” Nick’s shocked brain spurred him to say as his heart did a weird fluttery thing. Eugene’s smirk wore into a hearty laugh.

“Nick, we’ve all known that for ages.”

Nick laughed a little too, but he wasn’t feeling it. How could he have been stupid enough to actually fall for Seiji while pretending to try and make the asshole fall for him instead? That was a special type of idiocy that very few ever achieved. And tonight was the end of this. His trial was over and, this time, Seiji really would leave him heartbroken.

Unaware of Nick’s conundrum, Eugene patted his back and then, with every efficiency, closed his laptop, unplugged his cord, and stood.

“I think it’s time for me to leave. Sorry for hogging your boyfriend, Seiji.”

Seiji didn’t respond, not even to object that he didn’t care if Eugene ‘hogged’ Nick. He stayed quiet and Nick noticed that some rare color had come back to his face. Whether at Eugene’s teasing or at Nick’s renewed confession, there was no way to know.

Nick was glad Eugene had taken his leave because it was hard not to unleash a smattering of kisses on Seiji after that stunt he’d pulled with the snuggling and sighing. Seiji tilted up his head for more and Nick’s heart did the fluttery thing again. And then a bit of a squeezing thing, remembering again that this was the last night any of this was allowed. But, for the moment, they still had a snuggle quota and a kiss quota that needed filling, so Nick slid his computer onto their desk clumsily and kissed Seiji properly.

It was hard to remember those first days when Seiji had been rigid and reluctant. When Nick had been equally reluctant. He couldn’t pinpoint when, exactly, that reluctance had turned into an active want, at least for him. He still couldn’t believe he’d been stupid enough to fall for this soft mouth and all the frowns and mean words it was so fond of issuing. And, even worse, he hadn’t even fucking noticed it.

Seiji twisted and shifted, trying to get into a more comfortable and sustainable position for this, ending up partially in Nick’s lap. He didn’t seem reluctant at all tonight. Eager, really. That was something, even if it wasn’t really enough.

Nick scrubbed his hands down Seiji’s back and took hold of his middle, pulling him down as Nick did some maneuvering of his own. Nick fell back on the mattress, Seiji tumbling right down after him, landing half on top of him. Besides a little gasp, Seiji didn’t protest and Nick dragged him back in for more kissing, savoring every little bit Seiji was letting him have. Every sound and movement and returned press of lips or graze of tongue.

One of Seiji’s legs came up to span across Nick’s hips and hook there, cinching them together. It was a far cry from the pinched closed mouth of four weeks ago. And, damn, was Nick gonna miss it. All of it.

A bell rang loud and unexpected and Nick wondered when the hell Seiji had set the alarm. Before he had time to finish wondering how long Seiji had set it for—and why he’d set that length specifically—Nick came back to his senses and started laughing.

“Gotten by the lights out alarm again,” he choked out. Seiji brought an arm to wrap around Nick’s chest, mimicking the leg hooked over his hips, and buried his head into Nick’s shoulder, the tiniest laugh escaping him.

“It’s far more disorienting when it interrupts this than it is any other time.”

“Mmm,” Nick agreed, tracing a hand up and down Seiji’s exposed back. He kind of wanted to test out if he’d be allowed up the shirt. But that didn’t seem like a very gentlemanly thing to do, so he abandoned the thought.

“What are we doing Saturday? Or do you intend to leave planning for last minute as usual?”

Nick couldn’t quite place the words with meaning.

“Saturday…like, for our date?” Nick asked slowly, tentatively.

“Yes, Nicholas. Saturday is date night. We didn’t go to The Moon Rock Diner last week.”

“Which means you want to go to it this week?” Nick didn’t get why Seiji couldn’t just say what he wanted instead of making statements and assuming Nick would get what they really meant. Granted, Nick did have a knack for decoding Seiji’s form of communication.

“Well? Are we going there?”

“Yes,” Nick grinned, full meaning finally sinking in. “Yes! Absolutely we can go to The Moon and you can have as many sundaes and onion rings as you want. And you can even have that weird salad thing you like too.”

“How generous of you,” Seiji deadpanned. He deadpanned everything, it was part of his sense of humor. And Nick kind of really loved it. Delighted, he smooched the top of Seiji’s head exaggeratedly and hugged him closer.

“I can’t wait.”

“Is that so?”

“Yep. Nothing better than having my favorite burger with my favorite boy.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Nick didn’t deny it. He _was_ ridiculous. But, this time, things seemed to have worked out. He didn’t dare ask out loud for confirmation, though. A small, stupid corner of his brain was afraid Seiji had just forgotten that today was the last day of the dating trial and he didn’t want to resubscribe.

Seiji was meticulous in his organization, there was no way he didn’t know what the end time was, probably right down to the minute. And Nick spoke Seiji-talk well enough to know he’d specifically and intentionally asked about their next date tonight. He’d stopped asking about date plans after the first week; it wasn’t a coincidence that the one time since then he asked happened to be tonight. It wasn’t a confession. It wasn’t even a proper agreement to continue dating. But it was Seiji’s way of saying they weren’t finished. That he didn’t want to be finished. And it was plenty good enough for Nick.

Still, he decided to keep his amazement that this plan had actually worked to himself. He did celebrate, however, by finding Seiji’s lips again and kissing them with unabashed enthusiasm.


	12. Chapter 12

Nick slid frantically into first period. He’d overslept and only barely made it to class before the bell. There was already a neat piece of loose-leaf on the desk next to Seiji’s, the one reserved for Nick. He sat heavily in the seat and noticed there was a pencil set by the paper today.

“You’re late,” Seiji hissed under his breath. Rather unnecessarily, Nick thought. “I was beginning to wonder if you planned to sleep through the whole day. But, as you’re here, I must assume that you slept in accidentally and, as a result, are likely even more disorganized than usual.”

Nick gave Seiji an appreciative smile, too out of breath from running here to offer much else. Then, scooping up the pencil his boyfriend had so sweetly put out for him, he reached over to Seiji’s notebook and jotted a little something for him there.

  
  
  
  
_Thanks ❤︎_  
  
  
  
---  
  
Seiji shook his head at Nick in discouragement. But he didn’t erase the note.

Their first non-trial date on Saturday had gone well, filled with sundaes and onion rings and kissing that had lasted until Seiji had insisted they should sleep. And every day since then had gone just as well. Seiji had, in his way, promised there would be more dates, casually mentioning that he wanted to go to the new Pompeii exhibit at the museum this weekend or reminding Nick about date night when he’d been making plans with Bobby so the two didn’t overlap.

Nobody had directly questioned them about how the trial had gone but it was obvious enough to guess. Eugene had given Nick a high five when he’d spotted Nick and Seiji holding hands yesterday, and Aiden had, very patronizingly, patted Nick’s head and said, _I told you so._ Those two really were too smug about their awesome wingman skills. But, well, they _had_ gotten Nick a boyfriend. One he was even grateful to have, despite his feelings on it right after they’d succeeded with their peer pressuring.

Nick had to admit that dating Seiji had improved basically every aspect of his life. The kissing was nice—and Seiji still stuck to their agreement for kisses on the daily, but they both conveniently forgot the other portion of that agreement—but it wasn’t even the best part. Seiji showed he cared in the littlest ways that never failed to make Nick feel somewhat melty while also providing some practical purpose. Which was just like Seiji, really. Even affection had to be useful and efficient. But Nick loved it. Like the paper Seiji offered without a second thought, having assimilated the action into his normal routine. Or the way Seiji would habitually straighten Nick’s uniform or brush his hair from his eyes.

“Are you trying to strangle me?” Nick asked as Seiji tugged the knot of his tie tight during lunch.

“I don’t know how your tie manages to be so unsightly every time I look at it. It’s as if you do it on purpose.”

“I kind of like breathing.” Nick was already pulling at the knot with a finger, loosening it enough to be comfortable. He wasn’t a stickler about the uniform, and especially not about the tie. But he thought it was kind of cute how Seiji insisted on fixing it so much. This was already the third time he’d caught Nick today to continue on his hopeless mission.

“And I kind of like having a boyfriend that knows how to dress.”

The word _boyfriend_ coming out of Seiji’s mouth in reference to Nick gave him a pleasant jolt. It was the first time Seiji had called him that without some distaste or reluctance attached to it.

“No, you wouldn’t. You like fussing over useless things too much, what would you do if your boyfriend was a fully functioning human?”

“So which part of that are you missing? The functionality or the humanity?”

Nick thought about it. “Both. Both is good.”

“Good to know.” Seiji absently tried taming Nick’s hair out of his eyes. It didn’t work overly well and he gave up on it soon enough. “Anyway, I was going to get in some fencing after school, would you like to join? We’ve got a match on Thursday.”

“As if you need to worry about that at all,” Nick smirked, to which Seiji frowned in annoyance, picking up on the teasing. Seiji was always saying how high school fencing didn’t mean anything.

“The reason I’m ranked so high nationally is that I practice even when the challenge I’m facing is beneath me. Do you want to join or not?”

“Absolutely I want to join.”

* * *

Fencing with Seiji was another area in Nick’s life that had been improved by dating him. Seiji wasn’t the type to hold back while fencing and Nick wouldn’t want him to. But he was more helpful and less mean these days when offering critique. It had been such a slow process, shifting bit by bit over hours and hours of fencing, that Nick hadn’t noticed it until just yesterday.

The only reason he’d noticed was because he’d watched Seiji absolutely rip into Eugene after a bout, declaring his attack as effective as Napoleon’s attempted invasion of Russia in 1812, which couldn’t have been anything but an intentional double entendre. Eugene was the shortest boy on the team by several inches. He’d handled it like a champ but Nick had been a little surprised by the, frankly, rude feedback. He shouldn’t have been. Nick had gotten plenty of similarly cruel assessments of his fencing from Seiji, but it had been long enough since he’d received a truly devastating insight from the guy that Nick had blunted the sharpness of Seiji’s tongue in his mind. And then it had hit him how deliberately helpful Seiji had been after they’d fenced recently.

It was another thing they didn’t talk about. Nick didn’t want to embarrass Seiji back into being mean. Eugene, however, had no such worries. He must have had the same idea as Seiji and Nick because they’d found him already in the gym after school. And, when they’d joined him in practicing, Seiji had eventually halted their match to correct Nick’s technique.

“Hey, if you’re handing out demos,” Eugene said, sauntering up to their strip, “I want one too. Picking favorites isn’t fair.”

“I’m sure I remember you trying to convince me to pick Nicholas as my favorite, actually,” Seiji replied, unimpressed.

“True that. But think, if you helped me too, that’d improve the team. Which improves your chance of winning. Which means stealing State from Jesse Coste and his Merry Men.”

“A solid argument. Fine.”

With a flick of his épée, Seiji indicated that Nick should step off the strip. Nick did, and watched with interest as Seiji demonstrated the attacks Eugene had trouble with. Seiji, for his part, had trouble remaining civil and patient when trying to teach, but Eugene had good humor enough for the both of them. It was a rather interesting dynamic. Eugene was clearly the pupil, and yet he was able to guide Seiji into actually showing him what he needed. Nick couldn’t do that. When Seiji got short-tempered with him, Nick got short with him right back. It was a testament to how much Seiji must like him that they hadn’t had any fights recently.

_A lot,_ Nick realized as the thought occurred to him. _Seiji must like me a lot._

Seiji was still fencing with Eugene when Harvard appeared in the gym, sports bag on hand and a broad smile taking his face as his eyes took in all of them, here and fencing without a team practice to require it.

“No Aiden?” Nick asked as Harvard stopped to stand by him and watch Seiji and Eugene. Harvard frowned. He always did when reminded of Aiden’s unreliability or half-assed commitment to fencing.

“This isn’t technically a team practice,” Harvard said. “He’ll be here tomorrow for the actual practice. And the next day for the match, too.”

Nick thought that was Harvard being optimistic but he nodded rather than argue the point. Harvard watched their friends another moment before disappearing to the locker room. When he returned in his fencing gear, he took control of them like any officially organized practice and they all let him. Seiji’s generous nature on this rare occasion was taken full advantage of. Once he’d finished with Eugene, Harvard sent him to fence Nick and asked Seiji to critique him next.

“You and Harvard must be gluttons for punishment,” Nick told Eugene, watching Seiji and Harvard get going before finally pulling on his mask. Eugene laughed.

“Seiji’s full of good advice, he’s just terrible at giving it in a good way,” Eugene grinned. “And, unlike _some people,_ I don’t need to be babied.”

So Eugene had noticed Seiji’s gentler-than-usual guidance.

“Hey, I don’t need to be babied either.” Nick realized it was a kiddish thing to say even as he said it. “It’s just that I’m Seiji’s favorite so he likes being nice to me.”

“I don’t think Seiji _likes_ being nice to anyone. I think he’s just afraid to hurt your feelings ‘cause he likes you.”

He liked that Eugene thought so too. But he didn’t like the rest of the sentence nearly as much.

“I handled it fine before he decided he liked me,” Nick insisted, only making Eugene’s grin widen.

“Sure you did, Zero.”

“Shut it, Napoleon, let’s see one of your great attacks.”

Soon, they ran out of the breath to keep up the banter and it fell away. When they broke for water, Nick watched Seiji. Harvard was as adept at navigating his criticism as Eugene had been. Maybe Nick wasn’t all that great at taking Seiji’s more acerbic comments on his fencing, and it made him feel a weird sort of jealousy. Nick didn’t like that, in this, he was worse at handling Seiji than at least two of his teammates. Even if Seiji was making an effort to be nicer about delivering those comments to him, Nick decided he needed to figure out how to stay level-headed in the face of Seiji’s less than stellar teaching in the way Eugene and Harvard both seemed to be able to. Compromise, after all, was important and Nick figured he should put in the effort since Seiji was—and had been for weeks—putting in a lot of it.

* * *

The bus back to school had started as a total party zone. Snacks and sodas were passed around and excited babble had made the bus feel much fuller than it was with its seven occupants. Even Coach had joined in the fun for a bit, telling old stories of the people she’d met and things she’d witnessed. But, eventually, Coach had gone up to the front of the bus to talk with the driver. She’d been the first to fall asleep. Then Aiden had slumped over on Harvard’s shoulder and dozed off. It must have been contagious because Harvard soon slumped against Aiden in sleep too.

“I don’t usually mind being the odd man out,” Eugene said, peering over his seat at the sleeping duo, “but sometimes, it’s a bit of a bummer. The rest of you have built-in pillows wherever you go but I don’t get to travel in such comfort. It’s downright unfair is what it is. If _I_ want to sleep, I get the cold window to facilitate my sweet dreams.”

“You could always go snuggle up next to Coach,” Nick suggested. It was a joke he’d only dared make because the coach in question was asleep. Eugene pulled a face.

“First, gross. Second, I don’t have a death wish. Third, gross again.”

But Eugene eventually _did_ fall asleep, lodged into the corner of the entire row he’d commandeered and against his cold window.

“I feel like we need to be quiet now or we’ll wake them all up,” Nick whispered. The bus, which had felt so loud and crowded an hour ago, now felt weirdly empty. “And they call _us_ the babies.”

“If you’re worried about waking them, we can move farther back in the bus,” Seiji answered, problem-solving without any prompting. He liked doing that. Nick glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes, a little slyly. Then he stood and offered Seiji his hand, holding it behind his back as he took them all the way to the back of the bus and slid into place there.

“It feels so secluded here,” Nick said. “Cozy. I’m not trying to doubt your intentions, Seiji, but if I didn’t know better, I’d think you’d invited me back here for some fun times.”

“Don’t be absurd. We’re on a bus with our entire team. Not to mention Coach Williams.”

“They’re all asleep.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that there all still here. And the bus driver—,”

“Is busy driving the bus,” Nick finished. Seiji wasn’t buying it. “Anyway, today was awesome, wasn’t it? We’re on a winning streak!”

“Don’t get cocky. The schools we’ve faced so far are far below even Kings Row’s usual standing.”

“Do you have to take the fun and joy out of everything? Kings Row is a great school, I won’t have you talking shit on it.”

“It’s not up to par with academies like Exton, is my point.”

“Whatever. We’ll kick their asses when the time comes.”

The thought was satisfying, though Nick had to admit it wasn’t _quite_ as satisfying as it had been before that stupid meet and greet. Now, he had a pretty solid friend on the team. He and Marcel still texted. Not that Nick had any interest in pursuing him anymore. But Marcel was a nice guy. As if summoned by his thoughts, Nick’s phone buzzed with an incoming text.

Marcel  
  
**Today,** 7:07 PM  
**Marcel:** How’d your match go against Treasure Mountain?  
  
**Nick:** great! 🏆🏆🏆  
  
**Marcel:** 👍🏾  
  
**Marcel:** Speaking of, how’s your dating on probation going? As good as your match I hope  
  
  
  


Nick tried to play it cool.

Marcel  
  
**Nick:** yeah, it’s going good. Off probation and everything but it’s nbd  
  
**Marcel:** Riiiight 😂 getting the boy you spilled your guts to is ‘no big deal’  
  
**Marcel:** Admit it, you’re over the moon about this  
  
**Nick:** okay fine you got me, it feels even better than winning against treasure mountain to have Seiji  
  
  
  


A new text came in but Nick didn’t get to read it because Seiji took hold of his wrist, guiding it down and out of the way, the other hand slipping securely against Nick’s cheek. Nick didn’t really believe Seiji was going to kiss him in the back of the bus until he did and Nick felt his lips moving familiarly against his own. Admittedly rather carelessly, Nick dropped his phone on the dark green bench to free up his hand, finding a hipbone to hold instead and tug closer.

The kisses were all small and innocent enough, nothing too heavy in this sort of place, but Nick wasn’t about to complain. This was already more than he’d honestly expected. Besides, a full-on hot and heavy make out session in the same bus as their team didn’t appeal to him any more than it did to Seiji. But these little kisses? They made him giddy.

“What’s all this for?” He asked Seiji quietly after another kiss.

“Celebration,” Seiji answered. “And I just felt like kissing you.”

_That_ made Nick feel like kissing Seiji, so he did. Then, when he was satisfied, he pulled Seiji snug against him and, a minute or an hour or several hours later, he woke up in front of Kings Row with Seiji still in his arms.


	13. Chapter 13

Nick couldn’t believe his luck. Sometimes, when he stopped to think about it, he really couldn’t fathom how things had somehow worked out so perfectly, despite both his—secret—and Seiji’s—not so secret—best efforts to avoid it. They were nearing two months of dating total and still going strong. When Aiden had asked them what their secret was to such a happy relationship, Seiji had answered with ‘ _a quota system.’_ Nick still wasn’t sure if that had been a joke, but either way it was funny and true enough besides. Their nightly snuggling and kissing couldn’t be hurting their relationship, and the scheduled date nights were nice too.

Everything was good. Possibly a little too good to really be his. Nick didn’t get this lucky.

“Nicholas,” Seiji said, coming up to Nick’s locker. Because no one else was in the locker room yet, Nick answered with a quick kiss.

“What’s up?”

“After practice, we need to talk.”

And, with that ominous morsel, Seiji went to join the others in the gym.

All through practice, Nick’s stomach churned. _We need to talk_ was never a good phrase. It meant trouble. It meant Nick’s luck had finally run out.

“Nick,” Harvard said, breaking their match to frown at Nick. “You’re off your game. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired.”

“You look like you might throw up. Are you sick?”

“No,” Nick insisted.

He wasn’t about to tell Harvard that he thought Seiji was going to break up with him tonight. Possibly after yelling at him about being a liar and a deceiver and a terrible person. Not least because he’d promised Coach he and Seiji wouldn’t let their relationship negatively impact their fencing. And, until now, it hadn’t. But if it got back to her that Nick was letting relationship worries reduce him to a novice, she wouldn’t be happy. He wasn’t sure if Coach could make him break up with Seiji, but he didn’t want to risk it. Just in case tonight wasn’t the end of it all anyway.

“Take a break. Get some water. Regroup and come back with your head in the game, okay?”

“Yes, Captain,” Nick agreed, slinking off the strip to find his water bottle against the wall.

He didn’t do any better for the rest of practice and Harvard looked unconvinced about his well being by the end of it.

“Keep an eye on him tonight, Seiji,” Harvard said as they packed up. “Make him go to the nurse if he needs to.”

“Understood,” Seiji said smartly, then turned a wrinkled brow on Nick in something that might have been concern. “Are you all right?”

“Just dandy, thanks.”

The walk to their room was excruciating. Every time Seiji shifted his jaw or opened his mouth as if to speak, Nick’s heart stuttered in panic. He imagined all the things Seiji might say and all the terrible things they might trigger.

“You’re all jittery,” Seiji accused, shutting their door behind them. “If you’re unwell, it’s best to deal with it now.”

“I’m fine. Just tired.”

“I bet it’s your diet. You eat all sorts of junk that’s no good for keeping your body going all day, no wonder it’s finally decided to shake apart.”

“My diet’s fine,” Nick said, temporarily distracted enough by the comment to be exasperated. This was one of Seiji’s favorite lecture points.

“Sit down, at least; your constant fidgeting is giving me a headache.”

Nick decided not to argue, sitting down on his bed. He felt some relief when Seiji followed and sat next to him, but his relief disappeared when Seiji opened his mouth again. Nick knew that this was it. Here came their talk.

“I wanted to talk to you about our date tomorrow.” _Oh god._ “I was hoping you’d be open to rescheduling it to the afternoon. My coach, you know Dmytro, requested an evening practice. I say requested, but there’s really no question about it.” Nick stared blankly at Seiji, too taken aback by the mundane conclusion to Seiji’s scary declaration for relief to even set in. “I know Saturday evenings are typically reserved for you, of course,” Seiji went on when Nick didn’t offer any sort of answer. “But I confirmed with Dmytro, this won’t be a reoccurring arrangement, it’s just the once.” Another pause that Nick didn’t fill. Then, losing patience, Seiji got snippish. “Don’t sulk, it won’t get you anywhere.”

“No, yeah, that’s fine. Completely good, no problem whatsoever, it’s all good,” Nick released in a single, rambling breath. “Tomorrow afternoon it is. Can’t wait.”

Seiji nodded, but he issued Nick that same strange and concerned look from earlier. Then, leaning in close, he pushed Nick’s hair out of his face and laid the back of his hand against his forehead.

“Are you entirely sure you’re not sick?” Seiji asked. Nick retrieved the hand from his forehead and kissed it.

“I’m great.” And he was. The relief had finally kicked in and the last two hours of worry suddenly seemed stupid. There was no way for Seiji to have found out about his original confession being a total lie. Nick hadn’t told anyone, so it was literally impossible for Seiji to know about it.

But, shortly following the relief, came a wave of guilt.

Seiji was standing, his hand about to slip from Nick’s. Nick didn’t let it, a decision forming in the back of his mind as he pulled Seiji back down on the bed.

“What is with you today?” Seiji asked, looking like he was now entirely convinced that Nick needed the infirmary.

Nick took a deep breath. He knew what he had to do. The fact that he was so jumpy about this all proved that he had something to feel guilty for. Which meant he should probably tell Seiji.

“Seiji,” Nick started, then cleared his throat because the name had sounded all wrong. “I have something to tell you.” Seiji nodded, waiting for him to get on with it. Nick wanted badly to give in to his weakening nerve. “Please don’t be upset.” Because that wasn’t an ominous or pathetic way to start the conversation at all.

“What did you do?” Seiji asked, rightfully suspicious after Nick’s request.

“I really like you. Like, really and honestly and for real, you’re my favorite thing about Kings Row.”

“And I’d be upset about that why, exactly?”

“Because I didn’t—well, see, it’s kind of a funny story. I didn’t necessarily always like you.”

“Yes, Nicholas, I’m aware.” For a confused second, Nick thought Seiji was some sort of super sleuth. Or maybe a mind reader. “Everyone knows you had a vendetta against me at the start of the year. Is that all?”

“No—shit.” Nick yanked a hand through his hair. “Okay, it’s like this. When we were at the meet and greet thing with Exton, you remember how I said I loved you?”

“Yes, how could I forget?”

“Well, I lied. It’s—I don’t know how to explain but, basically, you were going to go confess my nonexistent feelings for Jesse Coste to him on my behalf—and against my very obvious wishes,” Nick had to add, a titch defensive. “And I just couldn’t let you do that. And I panicked and I couldn’t think of how to get you to _not_ do that. So I lied and said I loved you.”

The room seemed too quiet. Like a black hole that Nick wished would just swallow him up. He worked up the guts to sneak a look at Seiji and found him considering this new information calmly. He didn’t look upset, but with Seiji that wasn’t always a guarantee you weren’t still in deep shit.

“How enlightening,” Seiji said eventually, possibly because he noticed Nick’s held breath as he waited for Seiji to speak.

“I _do_ like you now. You believe that, right?”

Seiji took his time, considering some more.

“Yes, I believe you.”

“Are you mad?”

“If you thought this would upset me, why did you tell me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t understand why, if you want to continue dating me, you’d risk that by telling me something you clearly worry could jeopardize that, particularly when I had no way of knowing and never would have suspected anything amiss. So why did you?”

“You think I shouldn’t have?”

“No. I don’t appreciate being lied to. But I couldn’t have known I _was_ being lied to, not unless you told me.”

“You weren’t being lied to,” Nick protested. “Not the whole time. My confession wasn’t even really a lie, it was just…preemptive. I do love you. And that’s why I told you, I guess. I thought it was wrong to let you think something was true when it wasn’t.”

“That ‘something’ being the basis of our relationship.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t expect any of this to happen. But, Seiji, I’m really glad it did.” There wasn’t much else he could say. So he shut up and let Seiji process.

“I thought you texted Marcel an abnormal amount for a member of a rival team you’d only just met.”

It was, in Nick’s opinion, an odd detail to be concerned about in all this. Then, a memory of an unexpected kiss in the back of a bus over a forgotten phone was pulled forth from his mind. Looking at the memory in context with the revelation that Seiji had noticed how often Nick texted Marcel, Nick realized the unexpected kisses had probably been prompted by some eavesdropping on Seiji’s part. He wondered if it had been a jealousy thing or a pleased thing. It depended on how far, exactly, Seiji had eavesdropped on the conversation, Nick supposed.

“You were planning on running into his arms once you’d gotten rid of me.” Seiji didn’t do things by halves; he spelled out his implication explicitly to make sure Nick got it. He did, and he winced. Because it was true.

“Kind of,” Nick admitted. Hopefully, Seiji appreciated the honesty to some extent or all Nick was doing was digging his own grave. Which wouldn’t be a surprise. He was especially skilled in digging himself into holes deeper than should have been possible to achieve.

“And those first weeks of dating?”

“I was just as unhappy about it as you were at the time. But I _really_ like you.”

“Yes, you’ve said.”

“Please don’t break up with me.”

_Please don’t break up with me? Please don’t break up with me?!_ Nick closed his eyes in horror at the slip. It was even more pathetic than _please don’t be upset._

“All right.”

“For real?” Nick’s heart leaped and it was embarrassingly obvious how excited he was. “You’ll forgive me?”

“I’ll forgive you,” Seiji confirmed. “On one condition.”

“Oh, yeah,” Nick said, more relieved now than he’d been about Seiji wanting to discuss scheduling conflicts. “I’ll never lie to you again, I promise.”

Seiji laughed. Scoffed, actually, was a more accurate word and Nick’s leaping heart was already starting to fall to dread.

“Well, obviously,” Seiji sneered. “That’s a given. No, what I want is to know the real reason you didn’t want me telling Jesse you liked him. And don’t try to tell me it’s only because you didn’t actually like him. To have panicked and come up with your harebrained scheme, there must have been a good reason. And I want to know it.”

Jesse. He always ruined things. Always was the most important thing on Seiji’s mind. Usually, hearing that name from Seiji’s mouth made Nick’s anger flare hot and blinding. Tonight, it just sent his whole body to ice.

“I love you. And I’m sorry. Isn’t that enough?”

“No. I’ve already given you my condition for staying with you and it’s non-negotiable.”

“Then I guess we’re breaking up.”

“It would seem so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a fun chapter (you all saw it coming though lmao you know better than to trust my offerings of fluff) but here's a fun fact: both alternate titles I considered for this fic are alluded to in this chapter


	14. Chapter 14

There was no date Saturday evening _or_ afternoon. There wouldn’t be one next Saturday, either. There wouldn’t be one ever again.

Nick knew this was happening because he hadn’t just fessed up when Seiji had waltzed in and grumpily given him a chance he hadn’t wanted. If he’d just told Seiji he’d lied to make him shut up about that weird Jesse stuff, they wouldn’t be here. Because, yeah, it was dishonest to have let Seiji make them date out of some sense of duty because he wrongly thought Nick loved him. It was possibly a little mean, Nick thought, to have risked Seiji’s feelings like that.

But if he’d told Seiji back then, he’d never have shared onion rings and sundaes with Seiji, or seen him coo sweetly over a fluffy cat, or discovered the soft sighs he always made when settling into Nick for a long snuggle. He’d never have gotten a kiss or a laugh or a smile out of Seiji. And, selfishly, that seemed so much worse than this. Even if he wouldn’t have known how bad it would hurt to lose all that.

Nick’s moping turned angry whenever he remembered the specifics of their break-up instead of the general catalyst of it. And, the more he thought about it, the more he replayed Seiji demanding to know about Jesse in exchange for forgiveness, the angrier Nick got. The more self-righteous too. Nick had been backed into a corner at Exton. One Seiji had neatly and maliciously chased him into. And Seiji was the one that had decided they’d date—and he’d been downright unpleasant about it at first, not caring at all for the feelings he was, as far as he knew, hurting by being such a dick. And now—

Now, it was all fucked to shit.

“Nick!” Bobby hopped up to Nick cheerily in the cafeteria. Then, he did the absolute worst thing. “Oh! Seiji! Perfect, you’re here too.”

And, with some sort of magic, Bobby summoned Seiji from the busy dinner crowd. That was another thing dating Seiji had done; acclimatize Bobby to his existence and get him comfortable actually talking to Seiji like a friend. There hadn’t been much choice in that. Just like Nick and Dante had become friends through Bobby, Bobby and Seiji had become friends after a fashion through Nick. It was the good old boyfriend and best friend theorem in action. Only, Bobby didn’t know yet that Seiji was no longer a boyfriend.

“Bobby—,” Nick tried to warn him, but it was too late, Bobby was bubbling over already.

“I was thinking that it’s crazy we haven’t had a double date yet, and there’s a corn maze Dante and I want to go to and you guys should come! We could make a whole day of it, what do you think?”

Seiji opened his mouth and Nick didn’t trust it not to spout something awful that would hurt Bobby’s feelings now that he was free of that obligational friendship.

“Actually, Bobby,” Nick cut in hastily, feeling awkward as all hell. “Seiji and I broke up.”

“Oh,” Bobby said. Then, face falling as he got it, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…”

“Yeah, it was only a couple days ago, so…” Nick trailed off, not knowing what to say. He was kind of dreading practice tomorrow when all the guys would find out. And Coach. She might lecture Nick for it, which was _just_ what he needed at the moment.

“Enjoy your corn maze,” Seiji said, coolly but not unkindly, then cleanly took his leave. Never once acknowledging Nick.

Bobby watched him go and then turned wide eyes on Nick. “I’m so sorry, Nicky,” he said, catching Nick in a hug that was greatly appreciated. “You can come eat dinner with me and Dante.”

* * *

When Nick got back to his room after dinner—a terrible spaghetti with weird gluten-free noodles that had only added to Nick’s miserable mood—Seiji was already there. He looked over to Nick as he came in with sharp eyes. Nick knew that look. It was the one that took Seiji’s face right before an attack.

“I don’t see why you can’t be reasonable,” Seiji said. Nick stared in disbelief.

“You’re kidding me. I know you’re not suggesting it’s _unreasonable_ of me to not tell you shit just because you feel entitled to know about it. _Not,”_ Nick added stubbornly, “that there’s anything to know.”

“I thought you promised not to lie to me again.”

“As if that means anything now. And I’m not lying,” he lied.

“If you’d just get over yourself and tell me what I want to know, we could go to that stupid corn maze with Bobby. I know you want to.”

Nick gritted his teeth at the reiterated bargain.

“You’re being a dickhead. If you’re willing to go on a double date to a corn maze, just _go_ on it with me instead of trying to manipulate me into spilling secrets!” Nick roared, losing patience.

“Just fucking tell me!”

“Ooooh, look who learned the F-word! Things are really heating up, I’m super intimidated and convinced by that.”

“If you really liked me, you’d tell me about Jesse. But you’re being difficult instead and, clearly, don’t like me enough at all.”

“Wait,” Nick was incredulous. Furious. The way Seiji had said that… “Was that a test? Your deal? Was it a test to see if I’d tell you to, what? Prove my love?”

“And not only did you fail, but you _continue_ to fail. This is your last chance, tell me what your relationship is with Jesse or I’ll _never_ agree to date you again.”

“Yeah, all right, sure,” Nick spat. “I’ll tell you about Jesse.”

“Really?” Seiji asked, taken aback. “Just like that?”

“Sure, for real. I’ll tell you everything. On the condition that you let me fuck you after.”

Seiji went entirely red. Nick felt viciously gratified to see it, that hurting part of him having turned mean and ruthless. The all-encompassing blush was the only immediate reaction Seiji had, too stunned to do anything more than stare at Nick with uncharacteristically large eyes and red face.

“Yeah, see, it sucks, doesn’t it? To have your feelings bargained for like that. Like they don’t even really matter at all?” And then, because he was still smarting from Seiji’s ultimatum, he added insult to injury. “And, by the way, it wasn’t a serious offer. I’ll never tell you.”

“Do you really think I’m willing to—,” Seiji’s face scrunched up, “—to sell my body for your stupid secrets?”

“Well, you’d sell your forgiveness and willingness to date me for it, which would probably lead to sex eventually. So, yeah. Kinda.”

Seiji took a couple of swift steps and his hand moved so fast that Nick felt the sting of it against his cheek before he saw the slap coming. He probably deserved that. Enough that he didn’t return the blow. Seiji fell back again, holding the hand he’d just hit across Nick’s face to his chest. It looked reddened. Nick probably had a full-on, bright red handprint to match.

The fight drained out of Nick after another moment of seeing Seiji like that. He looked as upset as Nick had felt two nights ago. Which had been the point. But it still stripped him of most of his immediate anger.

“I’m sorry I lied,” he said with a sigh and a touch to his aching cheek. “And I would be sorry for calling you a whore if you hadn’t had it coming because bargaining emotions for information isn’t a cool thing to do.”

“Get out.”

“I live here too.”

“Get out! Or I will _make_ you get out. I don’t want you in here tonight.”

When Nick didn’t budge, Seiji surged forward again, grabbing Nick’s bicep and hauling him toward the door, which he flung open and shoved Nick through.

“Where am I supposed to sleep?”

“I don’t care, just somewhere far away from me. Give me your key.”

“What?”

“Give. Me. Your. Key.” Seiji gritted, seething and menacing. Nick dug into his pocket and dropped his little silver key in Seiji’s demanding palm. Not because Seiji was spitting mad and terrifying. Because Seiji was still red and the palm he’d displayed in demand for the key had still been red and because Nick had just said something completely inappropriate about fucking and it made sense that Seiji wouldn’t feel great about sharing a room after that.

Then Seiji leaned in close, hand fisted around Nick’s key, and hissed in his ear, fierce and quiet. “I’m glad you proved your feelings false, I only dated you out of pity, anyway.”

The door to room 108 slammed viciously shut in his face and Nick could hear the lock click. He turned to find a lot of curious heads poking out of doors. One of the doors widened when its peeking occupant saw him looking. Bobby. Offering him a place to sleep. Nick sighed heavily and headed to the room gratefully.

It would have been better if Nick had told Seiji the truth as soon as they’d left Exton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes. bad things come out of your mouth when you're mad.


	15. Chapter 15

Nick watched Seiji skittishly all the next day. He seemed fine, so far as Nick could tell. Poised and collected and impassive. There were no spare glances Nick’s way from Seiji but that was all right. Because it wasn’t an avoidance born of discomfort, but the old disinterest Seiji had always had for him before. So that was all right. Close enough to all right.

“Does it hurt?” Bobby asked. Nick thought he was asking about the break-up because he hadn’t been exactly subtle about checking in on Seiji.

“Yeah, it hurts,” Nick replied, then realized that he’d misunderstood the question when Bobby poked at the bruise on his cheek. That hurt too, but not as bad.

The thing was, Nick knew he’d said some nasty stuff but he couldn’t help thinking Seiji deserved it a little. He didn’t seem to realize at all why Nick might have found it upsetting to only be worth dating if he confessed to his deepest, darkest secret. As always, Seiji just wasn’t that sensitive to other people’s feelings. The only difference now was that Nick actually had feelings that Seiji was capable of hurting.

“Well, the good thing about this is that everyone knows already that Seiji and I are finished,” Nick said, peeling Bobby’s hand away from prodding his bruised face. “I was really dreading having to tell the team but everyone heard us screaming in the hall last night so I don’t need to tell anyone at all.”

“Oh, Nicky,” Bobby said pityingly, resting his head against Nick’s arm and staying there for the rest of lunch.

During practice, Aiden solemnly offered him another cupcake. Nick took it, then watched as Aiden offered one to Seiji with equal seriousness. Seiji glanced down at the treat with disgust and ignored its offering.

“Had to try,” Aiden shrugged, eating the cupcake himself. “Can’t be picking favorites this time since we don’t know who’s in the deepest wrong.”

That seemed to be the consensus across the team, nobody was sure what side to be on and so they offered condolences to both him and Seiji. Nick didn’t think either of them really wanted the attention and it just made everything awkward. Coach Williams kept a careful eye on them both all through practice as well. They didn’t cause any trouble. And if fencing Seiji felt a little stilted and harsh, it wasn’t enough to draw a lecture from their coach. Seiji didn’t offer any advice or criticism today, staying resolutely silent toward Nick.

It didn’t stay that way. As the days went on, a couple of words were exchanged. Not hostile ones, not happy ones. Just practical ones. Nick missed talking to Seiji. Missed Seiji sitting next to him with his blue lap desk and homework. Missed throwing an arm around his shoulders or snatching up his hand or kissing him anywhere and everywhere he’d allow.

But, knowing Seiji, Nick was honestly lucky to have gotten back his key, neatly set on top of his sports bag after practice only the day after he’d had it taken away. Kind words and forgiveness were off the table and there was no getting around that.

* * *

It wasn’t often that Seiji and Nick left for school at the same time, especially these days. But Seiji must have forgotten something or other because he was back in the room a little after breakfast. Nick watched him sneakily. Okay, it probably wasn’t sneaky at all, but he could pretend. He couldn’t, however, see through the duck curtain and so, when Seiji went to bustle about behind it, Nick returned to tying his tie.

He got it good enough—probably; he wasn’t using a mirror—and slung his bag over his shoulder.

“Wait,” Seiji commanded. Nick waited, turning at once to Seiji. He marched right up to Nick and, with a familiarly exasperated frown, adjusted Nick’s tie smartly—and far too tightly—before smoothing down his collar.

For once, Nick didn’t even complain about the ‘too tight’ bit. He didn’t say anything at all.

Seiji’s brain finally caught up with his clever hands and he snatched them away from Nick’s collar with a snarl and a blush. He left the room hardly a second later, slamming the door hard. Like it was Nick’s fault Seiji had forgotten they weren’t together anymore.

* * *

Nick was on his best behavior around Seiji. Not that he thought it would help any, but he didn’t want to make it worse. So. He was as polite and nice as he’d been during their dabble with romance. Minus the boyfriend stuff like clearing trays or holding doors. Seiji was putting in a similar effort, it seemed. Nick wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with Seiji caring about being nice and not making things worse. He rather suspected it didn’t. Maybe it was for fencing’s sake. Or maybe it was apathy and Seiji had turned off any and all feelings he might have had for Nick.

Or, Nick was beginning to hypothesize, maybe it was out of habit.

It hadn’t been a one time slip up. The tie thing. Seiji would sometimes start the action of coming over to straighten Nick’s shirt and tighten his tie, Nick could recognize it in his body language. And there were other things, too. Like a small gasp of surprise once when they’d gotten to the gym at the same time and Nick had unthinkingly let the heavy door fall shut behind him, right in Seiji’s face.

And, Nick might have imagined it, but this morning, he was sure he caught Seiji’s hand flexing by his side like it was trying to obey muscle memory and reach for Nick’s, who was walking nearby on their way to the humanities building.

Nick reached the door first and, remembering Seiji’s gasp as a door had been inadvertently slammed in his face, Nick did end up holding it for him this time. Following Seiji to class, Nick stayed a couple steps behind him, silent as ever. Well, silent as lately, more of.

When he entered the classroom, Seiji was already sat down in his usual spot, neatly picking something out of his bag. A piece of loose paper, one which Seiji held out a little above the desk next to him. Nick met his eyes briefly, kept walking. Was halfway to his good old trusty desk near the back before he and Seiji both realized that Seiji had gotten that paper out for him. Had half offered it to him before intending to put it down on the desk. Nick’s desk.

Nick spun around, eyes catching on the violent stuffing of the paper back into Seiji’s bag. There was another little slip-up, and they were really starting to add up. Nick had to wonder if they meant something.

Sitting down and pulling out his one, lone journal, beat up and scuffed to hell, Nick fixed his gaze on the back of Seiji’s head and found that his ears were extremely pink.


	16. Chapter 16

Despite it being the third Saturday night in a row Nick had spent by himself in his room, his first thought come Saturday morning was _it’s date night tonight._ He had to scoff at himself a little. He and Seiji hadn’t been together that long and their break had been pretty damn memorable, his first thought definitely shouldn’t have been about a date he knew wasn’t coming. Shouldn’t label Saturday evening as _date night_ like it had been some long-ingrained habit.

He wished it was date night tonight.

The day was miserable after that, the tone set to one of disappointment. Treacherously, his mind slipped continuously and fleetingly to the hypothetical question _what would it take to get him back?_ He’d organized a list in the back of his mind.

1\. Apologize  
  
2\. Grovel  
  
3\. Apologize again with more specifics  
3a. Say sorry about letting our relationship build on a panicked lie  
3b. Say sorry about calling him a whore  
  
4\. Profess undying love (?)  
  
5\. Ask very nicely for another chance  
  
6\. Show him this list. Seiji loves lists  
6a. Explain that this list was written in my mind but in my mind I was writing it on a piece of paper he gave me  
6b. Point out how well thought out and extensive this list is. It’s got sub-lists and everything!  
  
~~7\. Tell Seiji about Jesse~~  
  
~~8\. Tell Seiji about Jesse~~  
  
~~9\. Tell Seiji about Jesse~~  
  
~~10\. Tell Seiji about Jesse~~  
  
~~11\. Tell Seiji about Jesse~~  
  
~~12\. Tell Seiji about Jesse~~  
  
~~13\. Tell Seiji about Jesse~~  
  
~~14\. Tell Seiji about Jesse~~  
  
  
  
__  
  
  
  
---  
  
Nick couldn’t do it. He was ashamed of himself for even considering it. Seven times. Maybe more than that. Maybe he’d been considering it since the first day post-dumping. And that made Nick mad all over. He shouldn’t spill that sort of secret—the kind that was huge and shameful and life-altering—just to get back a boy that had only dated him out of pity. Allegedly.

_Allegedly or not,_ Nick thought sternly to himself, _Seiji doesn’t want you enough on your own without a secret about Jesse to sweeten the deal._

Never mind that Seiji had seemed perfectly content and well-adjusted when they had been dating. He’d seen an opportunity and he’d taken it and, once Seiji had seen it, he wasn’t willing to settle for less. For just Nick.

So the day went on miserably, no matter that Eugene and Bobby had fenced with him for hours in the morning and Bobby had hung with him all afternoon. Evening came and brought on a drearier mood than ever in room 108. When Seiji came into the room, Nick felt certain he’d get angry again—say something nasty and hurtful again—if he stayed here. So he stood and shoved on his shoes and yanked on his jacket, and made to bolt.

He almost ran right into Seiji on his way out. Seiji, who had just barely returned to the dorms from who knew where, was also dressed to go. For a split second, Nick could almost imagine them leaving together. Then he felt foolish for the thought. He felt considerably less foolish when he realized it was a shared thought.

Seiji’s hand unthinkingly found its way to Nick’s super messy hair and went about trying to fix it. His mouth was ticked down in annoyance at Nick’s insistence on going out in public looking like this. Nick caught Seiji’s hand in the moment of realization, when Seiji’s face turned from what Nick liked to pretend was fond exasperation to what Nick knew was mortified disbelief. Before Seiji could withdraw his hand, Nick had his over it, had his face turned into it. Kissed the corner of palm that overlapped his mouth.

“You miss me,” Nick said, sure, at the very least, of this. Because Seiji wouldn’t keep forgetting they weren’t together if he didn’t miss them actually being together.

Seiji yanked his hand away. Maybe Nick was lucky not to have gotten another slap for his boldness but Seiji seemed too flustered to have thought of that.

“I do not,” he snapped. “I only got used to you—to dating you, I should say. That’s all.”

Nick looked hard at Seiji, considered mentioning his list. Maybe there could be a compromise. Maybe, if Seiji really did like him, he could be convinced to come back to him without items 7 through 14 on the list at all. Eventually. Maybe. Not likely. But there was just enough hope rising in Nick’s chest as he looked at Seiji now to get him thinking stupid things.

“Okay, sure. But I’ll be here whenever you want to, y’know, confront those feelings.” Feelings he hoped stupidly that Seiji had. “I really miss you,” he added quietly. He hadn’t really meant to say it aloud, but he was sure it was obvious even without the verbalization, so what did it matter? It mattered like this: like blood in the water.

“You don’t miss me _enough,”_ Seiji’s eyes were hard and angry, all embarrassment and vulnerability gone from him in a flash. “And I already gave you your chance. You’re not worth another.”

Nick winced, his high of only seconds before crashing, and crashing hard.

“Well,” Nick mumbled, feeling hot and pathetic, “if you ever change your mind, or want to talk…”

Seiji gave him a scornful look that pretty clearly said _do yourself a favor and leave before your patheticness starts to really offend me._

Nick took the not-actually-given advice and left.

* * *

Seiji didn’t change his mind. He didn’t ever show any interest in talking. A couple of times, he forgot himself, though. A couple of times, Nick caught him hastily covering the fact that he’d left room for Nick to sit next to him or else looking surprised when Nick didn’t. Those times, Nick knew, Seiji must hate the most. Not catching himself in time and letting Nick see, without a shadow of a doubt, just how _used_ to dating Nick he’d really become. Nick almost felt better knowing he wasn’t the only one who’d adjusted to it so quickly and so entirely. Wasn’t the only one floundering for ages and ages after their short relationship had ended.

But it didn’t make him really feel better. Because he _was_ the only one who cared so much. Who wanted to find a way back to that relationship, even now. He tried to pretend that he didn’t, but it was useless. There was no way around it; Nick was pathetic. And in love. Pathetically in love.

At least, he thought glumly, it hadn’t impacted his fencing negatively enough to earn him a lecture from Coach Williams.

* * *

Nick stood in front of Coach Williams with a bowed head and firmly-bitten tongue. He was letting Seiji get to him. It was impressive, in his estimation, that he’d held it together so long. But he’d lost it today, fencing Seiji. It never felt great when Seiji demanded to know about Jesse on the piste. It had been made so much worse today by the long absence of comments like that, even after they’d broken up. Nick had thought it was honorable of Seiji not to kick him while he was down. He took all those thoughts back with a vengeance now. Whether Seiji had decided he should be over their break up by now or if he’d just remembered he could be full-on nasty for no reason and with no repercussions again, the result was the same.

Hearing Seiji taunt him and ask him what he had to do with Jesse had brought Nick right back to the punch in the gut so many weeks ago when Seiji had bargained forgiveness that couldn’t mean all that much for information Nick wasn’t willing to give. He’d broken down completely, letting Seiji beat him more easily than ever before. And, sadly, that was pretty impressive. Nick had been beat badly by Seiji too many times to count and with such humiliating ease, Nick had no desire to try counting them anyway.

After his scolding, Nick slunk out of the gym, long since deserted by everyone else. He didn’t feel like going back to his room and risking a fight with Seiji over Jesse. They’d avoided any explosions but Jesse was like dynamite. And not in the way Eugene had once called Jesse dynamite. In the devastating explosion kind of way.

So Nick only stopped in his room to drop his stuff and grab his wallet. Seiji looked up with sharp eyes but didn’t say anything. Then Nick was back out the door and down the hall, knocking at a door that seemed much friendlier than his lately.

“Nick?” Bobby asked, opening it. “What do you need?” From most people, that phrase was said with impatience. But Bobby meant it genuinely, his face already turned to concern and his voice soft and sweet. Nick’s bad day must have been readily apparent to him.

“Wanna go get some food?” Nick asked. Dante was already handing Bobby his coat, which was nice of him. Bobby turned very quickly to peck a tiny kiss to Dante’s cheek—having to stand on tiptoes even though Dante had leaned down for him—then he hooked his arm through Nick’s.

“Let’s go.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how cool is this? Now chapter 17 is getting posted on the 7th!

“Is this about fencing or Seiji?” Bobby asked once they were settled in Nick’s favorite corner booth with his favorite burger and too many onion rings for two people. Bobby’s fork hovered over his chicken, waiting to eat until he’d been answered. “Fencing Seiji?” Bobby suggested.

“All of the above,” Nick sighed sinking his head into his arms, which were folded on the table. He’d specifically sat in this spot because he hadn’t wanted to spend the evening looking at it and not seeing Seiji in it. Seiji liked being able to see the door so he could monitor who came in and left and basically know everything that was happening in any place he was ever in. But being in Seiji’s regular spot wasn’t much better than looking at it.

“I’m listening.”

“I should have known better than to bring Seiji here,” Nick mumbled. The door chimed. Nick wasn’t Seiji, he didn’t care. His head stayed planted on the table and buried in his arms. “Now that I can’t bring him here anymore, I don’t like it as much. And that fucking sucks because I really like it here.”

“Not to use my expert analysis skills but that sounds like a metaphor to me.”

Nick groaned. “Who’s your English teacher? I want to have a word with them about instilling the baseless need to find metaphors and deeper meanings in everything.”

Bobby giggled. “You know, you sounded a bit like Seiji there.”

Nick groaned louder. “See? He’s ruined my life, Bobby.”

“I think it’s cute. You really like him and you let him in. You took him to your favorite places and you subconsciously adopted some of his speaking patterns. And it super sucks because you let him in so far and now he’s gone, so all the places you let him in hurt.”

“Yeah,” Nick sighed, finally looking up. “Was that the metaphor?”

“Yes.”

“It was a pretty good one, I guess.” Nick swept a hand through his hair, then stopped, remembering how Seiji liked to try and fix it out of his face all the time. They really did hurt. All the places Seiji wasn’t anymore. He couldn’t even breathe without thinking of Seiji and it was terrible and stupid. “I got in trouble with Coach for flubbing a match with Seiji today. But he was being a dick and asking about Jesse again.”

Bobby hummed in understanding. This wasn’t the first time Nick had complained to him about Seiji’s obsession with Jesse.

“Do you mind me asking why you guys broke up?” Bobby asked after expressing his sympathy and leaving Nick to brooding for a time. Nick was surprised by the question. Nobody had asked him it before and he was at a loss. How did he explain all that had turned sideways?

“It just couldn’t work. We had a fight and called it quits.”

“But you don’t seem like you’re happy with that decision.”

“I’m not. But it was the right one to make. Dating’s a two-way stream and Seiji isn’t great at compromise.” Then Nick felt guilty for disregarding all the compromises Seiji _had_ made while dating him, even when he hadn’t wanted to at all. “Okay, he’s surprisingly fine at compromise. But this…our fight, it wasn’t something he was willing to compromise about.”

“Have you tried apologizing?”

“I kind of—wait, why? What for?”

“No clue, but saying sorry is a good place to start. You must have done something if that fight was a no-compromise zone.”

“Well, I’m not apologizing unless he does.”

“What did he do?” Bobby clearly didn’t believe that Seiji could be in the wrong on this, which made Nick roll his eyes. So much for loyalty.

“He—fuck, it’s a long and stupid story and I’m not getting into it right now,” or ever, “but he—,”

“Hurt your feelings?”

“Yeah. Laugh it up, but I’m not kidding. It, like. Fuck, it hurt.” Nick’s voice cracked embarrassingly and he was glad it was only Bobby that could hear it.

Bobby regarded him with fresh eyes, and Nick knew where, ultimately, Bobby’s loyalties laid.

“Did you tell him?”

“What?”

“Did you tell him it hurt you? And explain why?”

“Kind of? I don’t know. I got mad.”

“And said some hurtful things back?”

“I kind of called him a prostitute?”

“Nick, please tell me you’re joking.”

“…I’m not.”

“Oh god. Did you say sorry?”

“He had it coming!”

“Nick!”

“No, I didn’t! But I apologized for the other thing.”

“What other thing?”

“The thing the fight was kind of about to start with.”

“Okay.”

“I miss him.”

“Just go say you’re sorry and that you want to make up, easy as that.”

“It’s not. Because I don’t want to date him unless—unless I know he wants to date me.” Admitting it out loud was a punch to his ego. How pathetic was it to be into someone who was only willing to date you if it meant you’d give him something of value? And to admit it? Super pathetic. Again, Nick was grateful for Bobby’s friendship. He knew Bobby wouldn’t judge him for this, would do his best to just listen and be there for him.

“I don’t really have enough context to understand,” Bobby prodded lightly, but Nick just shook his head, signaling that he didn’t plan on explaining. That he couldn’t stand explaining.

“It’d be enough if he just said sorry.”

“Say it first, he’s probably looking for a way to say it back.”

“He’s not,” Nick sighed, “he won’t. He won’t ever say sorry and I know it.”

“You can’t get over it without that?”

“I—no. I don’t think I can.” To Nick’s surprise, Bobby just nodded.

“Then, Nicky, I hate to say it…but maybe he’s not for you. You deserve a reciprocal relationship that you’re secure in. If Seiji’s not willing to consider things from your perspective or understand how he hurt you or ever apologize, then he’s maybe not ready to be in a relationship. You deserve better than that.”

“That’s not what I wanted to hear.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”


	18. Chapter 18

“You need some ice cream,” Bobby decided, standing and offering Nick a little smile.

“Not a sundae,” Nick warned him. At Bobby’s questioning look, he explained with some embarrassment. “They remind me of Seiji. He really likes sundaes but it’s a secret so don’t tell anyone. He’d kill me if he found out I spilled the beans.” Nick realized when Bobby’s curious look turned to a pitying one that his voice had gone all soft and fond, his face relaxing accidentally into a smile at the thought of getting killed by Seiji for telling people he actually enjoyed things like ice cream. “Anyway,” Nick mumbled, “eating one alone would just make me feel worse.”

“No sundaes, I promise,” Bobby agreed. “I shall banish them from my vocabulary and recipe list just for you.”

“You’re the best.”

Nick watched Bobby disappear to order them treats. The booths had tall backs and Nick hadn’t positioned himself as meticulously as Seiji always used to so Nick couldn’t see the order counter. It wasn’t long before Bobby reappeared, two milkshakes in his hands and smile on his face. Nick grinned despite himself. He had to admit that ice cream _did_ have a way of making things better.

Then Bobby’s face went ghost white and his mouth froze in its smile, producing a sound like _eep!_ before falling to horror. He hurried to Nick, shoved the milkshake in his hands and tumbled out a couple words that Nick took to mean _I’ve got to go right the fuck now,_ and fled the premises. Nick hardly had time to process anything before the bell chimed to indicate his exit.

Obviously, something was up. Bobby had left in such a flurry of nerves and panic that Nick was a little anxious himself as he stood, milkshake still in hand, to go inspect the cause of Bobby’s behavior. A boy with gleaming black hair and pale, flawless skin sat in the booth directly behind where Bobby had been sitting in their own. He was casual in posture, yet somehow still poised, a graceful hand holding open a book and a half-empty glass of orange juice on the table. He glanced up, having heard, or possibly having sensed, Nick’s presence. Indifferent black pools met Nick’s through long lashes. Seiji didn’t give any indication that he was surprised to have been found, nor did he seem to consider himself caught. He simply turned his eyes back to their page and read on.

“You’re here,” Nick said, startled to find him there. No wonder Bobby had freaked. Seiji had almost definitely heard their entire conversation.

“I am,” Seiji said with another glance, complete with raised eyebrow at Nick’s obvious statement of fact.

“You’re here. At one of our regular date spots. Alone.”

“And you’re here too, Nicholas. It’s clearly a nice place to be. The only difference is I’m not here with another boy.”

“Yeah, talking about how much I miss _you_ ,” Nick said, staring down at him. Seiji didn’t really react. But he became very still, and it was enough to confirm that he’d been listening in. Nick didn’t really care about that right now; he was busy caring about other things. “But it means something, doesn’t it? You being here of all places.” It had to mean something.

Seiji finally put down his book, switching his full attention to scowling up at Nick.

“I like it here,” he said shortly.

“Yeah,” Nick agreed. “So do I. I like it here with you better, though.” And he sat on the bench next to Seiji, herding the other boy closer to the wall.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Trapping you,” Nick grinned. “Or else you might try to escape.” Seiji narrowed his eyes dangerously. “I’m sorry I said what I did. About, uh, fucking you,” Nick said, and Seiji’s hand twitched on the cover of his book, like he might scoop it up and hit Nick with it for saying that again.

“As I’m fully aware that it’s an empty apology, you’ll understand when I don’t accept it.”

“Oh, come on,” Nick coaxed. “I’m sorry. Really. I am. I shouldn’t have said it. Not like that. No, not at all. But especially not like that. You might have had it coming, and I still stand by that, but it wasn’t cool of me to say something I knew would upset you.”

“Get out.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to do this here; get out.”

“But…you _will_ do it?”

“What do you expect? That I’ll apologize and ask for you to take me back? Not likely.”

“Seiji—,”

“You knew I wouldn’t. So why bother trying? Listen to Bobby. And _get out_.” His voice was a low hiss, his cheeks were red, and his eyes were determined. Determined and—hiding something. Hurt. Nick thought this might be what Seiji looked like when he was hurting. He reached out a hand, intending to touch Seiji in some way. His cheek, his hair…Nick wasn’t sure. But Seiji caught his wrist before he could find out. Seiji held it tight. Tight enough that it hurt. “I told you to get out. We’re not doing this here.”

And what was there to say to that? So Nick slid out of the booth. Seiji didn’t let go of him when he stood, so he snapped his wrist away. He was poised to storm off when he suddenly remembered something. He turned to grab for his milkshake—no way he was leaving that behind, but as he turned back for it, he was sure. Sure that, yes, this was what Seiji looked like when he was hurting. He hid it well, but he’d thought himself safe from Nick’s eyes for a moment. His hand was still held out, as if in the process of reaching for something, and his eyes were soft and vulnerable. Nick was mad at him for looking like that. For being hurt when he didn’t have much right to be at this point.

Nick opened his mouth, meaning to snap and mock and condemn. “Give me something to work with here, Seiji,” he said instead, startling them both. “Just—tell me not to leave. I won’t. Tell me not to give up on you. I won’t. Tell me we can make this work. We will. I just…I need you to tell me sometimes what it is you need from me so that it _can_ work.”

Seiji’s eyes were wide with disbelief as they stared at Nick.

“I’m not doing this here,” he said again, quiet and firm. Nick sighed. Like Seiji had said, what did he expect? Then, a hand encircled his wrist again. Not tight at all, not painful. Tentative and unsure and whisper-soft. “But I _have_ missed you.”

Seiji didn’t let go of him so, carefully, Nick sat back down. He plucked one of the onion rings Seiji had ordered for himself out of its basket and ate it. Seiji didn’t stop him. Wordlessly, he offered Seiji a sip of his milkshake. It wasn’t a sundae, but Seiji finally let go of Nick’s wrist to take the cup and the sip he’d been offered. They didn’t talk. But they didn’t fight, either.


	19. Chapter 19

The whole walk home had felt as blurry and unreal as the quiet the not-really-dinner had. Nick wasn’t really sure what to say. _I’m not doing this here,_ Seiji had insisted. So Nick hadn’t pushed for them to do it, didn’t push for it even as Seiji shut their door noiselessly behind them. What was there to say, Nick wondered, that would convey how bad he wanted to try and how willing he was to wait until Seiji was ready to _do this_ and try too. How could he tell Seiji he’d enjoyed the evening and wanted another like it, even if that was all it was and no more. He didn’t have time to figure it out.

“Bobby wasn’t wrong,” Seiji said cautiously. And it was such a strange experience for Nick because Seiji didn’t do that. He didn’t say _anything_ cautiously. “I might not be…cut out for relationships.”

There it was again. That hurt. And an unsureness Nick wasn’t used to seeing in Seiji. It made him feel a little unsteady to see it in Seiji now.

“You were great,” Nick couldn’t help but say with a fierceness he hadn’t expected, regretting badly that Seiji had heard that part of his talk with Bobby. Not as badly as Bobby probably was. No wonder he’d freaked so bad at The Moon Rock Diner.

“Don’t patronize me by trying to coddle me, I know I wasn’t.”

“No, I mean it. Bobby didn’t have the full picture, I didn’t give it to him. You were great at relationships until…well, until I fucked it up by dropping a truth bomb.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No. It was something that had to be told eventually. Sometimes, I wish I’d told you sooner.”

“How much sooner?” Seiji asked, as sharp as ever. Nick shrugged and avoided his narrowed eyes for as long as he could.

“Soon enough that you’d never have gotten it in your mind that it was only polite to give me a chance I didn’t know I wanted.”

That hadn’t done anything to help with the newfound hurt on Seiji’s face. Maybe Nick should stop being so honest.

“I liked dating you.” Seiji was the one avoiding eye contact now. “Not at first but, by the end, I liked…”

“I know,” Nick offered, sparing Seiji from having to say it when it seemed like his nerve had run out. “You wouldn’t have put up with me for longer than you’d promised if you didn’t. I liked it too. I liked you.”

The conversation felt agonizingly slow from both ends, each word was carefully selected before it was said and then carefully analyzed and digested before it was responded to. It was awful for Nick’s nerves, but it wasn’t fighting. _Not yet,_ a stupid part of his brain supplied meanly.

“But you’d take it back? If you could do it again?”

“Sometimes, I think I would. When it feels like I can’t like anything the same again unless you’re with me, that’s when I want to take it back and not let you in. Because I can’t—Seiji, I can’t give you what you want. I won’t tell you about Jesse.” _Oh, what the hell? I’ve got nothing left to lose._ “But most of the time, I’m selfish in the opposite direction and would do it all again just to know you.”

“Because you like me?” Again with the cautious, careful words, the almost timid demeanor.

“Yes, because I like you.”

Seiji took a deep, shuddering breath, and nodded. Some of his unsureness had melted away, a determination trying to crowd it out.

“I felt a fool when you told me you hadn’t always liked me. I always took that for granted—your feelings. You made a grand and undeniable confession of your love, or so I thought. It made me feel secure, I suppose, in our relationship. That way, I always knew that if feelings were unbalanced, they tipped in my favor. But then you took that all away by making a new and even more horrible confession and I was upset and embarrassed by it. I wanted back at you for making me feel stupid and I wanted you to prove how much you liked me. Asking about Jesse was a very efficient request. I didn’t expect you to refuse it.” Seiji’s face had steadily turned red all through his explanation and was now as bright as the cherry on top of the sundaes they used to share. “Which made me even madder, even more embarrassed, even more insecure in your feelings for me.”

“But I said I liked you about fifty times and you said you believed me.”

“I did—I do—but you don’t understand, that’s what I’m trying to say. That’s why I’m terrible at relationships. I wanted you to like me _more_. I wanted to know that you’d always like me best, even if you hadn’t always liked me best. If our feelings were uneven, I wanted to be sure I wouldn’t be the one getting hurt.”

“I can’t pass your test—,”

“It was wrong of me to try testing you—,”

“But if all you need is for me to like you best then there’s no problem there, I promise I do. Problem solved, right?” Nick asked, hope and relief accidentally spilling out of him, but he couldn’t stop it and he didn’t care. If it was really that easy… “So, what do you say? Will you go out with me?”

Seiji opened his mouth, shut it. Frowned.

“How can you be sure?”

“What? That I like you best?” Seiji nodded. “Because I can’t do anything without thinking about you and I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone and I’d do anything— _almost_ anything—to be with you and—and _obviously_ I like you better than you could ever like me.”

“That’s not true,” Seiji said, eyebrows looking properly upset now, back in their typical scowl. “You’ve seen for yourself that I constantly forget myself and act as if we’re still dating just because I want us to be.”

“And you heard for yourself what a sad lump I am without you.”

“I went to your precious Moon Rock Diner and got the stupid onion rings you like so much because I missed you. And even though you were already there in our booth this time, I decided to sit in the next one over so I could hear your voice without it sounding angry the way it has whenever you talk to me since you dumped me.”

“I—wait, what? There’s so much in there, I don’t know where to start. Holy shit. _This_ time? You went to The Moon without me before tonight?” Nick stared in disbelief as Seiji nodded.

“I visit Mrs. Norris a lot, too,” he admitted. Nick couldn’t figure out why he’d decided to share that adorable fact and was momentarily distracted by it.

“But I didn’t dump you,” Nick said, remembering what else he’d meant to say.

“Yes, you did.”

“Did not!” But, come to think of it, Nick did remember being the one to say the words. But that didn’t count. “You forced my hand.”

Seiji hesitated, then nodded again. “I can see how that might be accurate.”

Nick snorted. “Yeah, it felt a lot like dumping to both of us, I guess.”

Nick wondered if it might have gone differently if he’d tried to defuse Seiji at the time. Tried to figure out what he meant behind what he was actually saying. Seiji had such a glorious idea of what communication looked like. Usually, Nick was a great interpreter. But he’d been too upset to see anything besides his own worst reading of the situation.

“I’m sorry,” Seiji said.

“I’m sorry too.”

“No—I mean, thank you. But I’m sorry for leveraging your feelings for my own gains. And I’m sorry for not wanting to see how much that hurt you. And I’m sorry I said I wanted you to like me better. I’m not great at feelings, but Bobby was right. You deserve better than that. You deserve to feel as secure in this relationship as I do. In my feelings for you. Which I _do_ have. I like you. Every bit as much, if not more, than you like me.”

Seiji might not be good with feelings or with saying exactly what he meant and he might have said it all stiff and unsure, but it was perfect. Nick tried to smile but found that his lips were already stretched as wide as they could go.

“Definitely not more,” he told Seiji, taking his hands and pulling him in. “We’ll call it a tie.”

“I can live with that.”

“Can we be dating again now?”

“Please.”

Nick let the word hang over them, sweetening the air. _Please._ He liked that Seiji hadn’t just said yes or agreed in his preferred nonverbal way. Seiji was a dick and an asshole but he was also polite so long as you hadn’t pissed him off. And, like any polite young man, he said please when asking for things he wanted. And he wanted Nick. Honestly and openly. He _wanted_ Nick _._

Nick wanted Seiji, too. He’d missed him so much—missed everything about him. He wanted to get to making up for lost time right away, ‘no rollovers’ be damned. But he wanted to savor the way Seiji was looking at him right now too. Seiji was a held breath wanting to release into a sigh of relief as he tucked himself against Nick as if he’d been waiting to do so all day, all week, all month, and had been waiting, waiting, _waiting_ for the chance to do just that. Nick skimmed a hand up his arm and watched Seiji shiver minutely at this small touch. His eyes fluttered shut on their own when Nick’s hand made it all the way up his arm and the side of his neck and traced along his unforgiving jaw.

As if to prove how eager he was to get back to this, Seiji’s mouth fell open easily when Nick asked it to with a press of his thumb to bottom lip. Seiji’s hand in his tightened. His eyes were still closed. He was still waiting.

Every sensation seemed to garner an amplified reaction from Seiji and Nick could have taken hours tracing the shapes and slopes of Seiji’s body just to watch him in his vulnerability. But Seiji was still waiting. So Nick gave him an outlet for that held breath, replacing the pressure of his thumb against Seiji’s bottom lip with the pressure of his kiss. When he was finished working the lip between his teeth, Nick broadened his focus to include Seiji’s upper lip as well. Seiji’s breath released. His muscles relaxed and he unthinkingly tucked himself close against Nick from hip to chest, but more than that, an actual sigh escaped him. The soft one of relief and contentment he sometimes gave after a long day finally ending with a gentle tangle of limbs and warmth. Seiji’s sigh turned into a keening sound teased from deep in his throat when Nick prodded against the part in his lips.

Nick’s long-kindling need for Seiji was ignited by the sound and he grabbed a sturdy handful of hair from the base of Seiji’s skull and held him firm to kiss him harder. Seiji reacted wonderfully to this, too.


	20. Chapter 20

“Try to stay together this time, boys,” Coach Williams said tiredly when she spotted Nick and Seiji walk in for practice together, hands happily intertwined between them. “I’ll make you run suicides if you break up during the fencing season in the future, do you understand me?”

“Yes, Coach,” Nick agreed. Seiji was too embarrassed by their coach’s interest in his relationship to say anything, so Nick decided his answer counted for both of them and tugged Seiji away.

The reception to their reinstated relationship was positive. More high fives from Eugene, a relieved expression from Harvard, and a declaration of _thank fuck, Nick can stop moping around like a sadsack now_ from Aiden. At lunch, Bobby was overjoyed to have Nick and Seiji join him and Dante at their table for lunch.

“I’m so glad everything’s okay,” he whispered into Nick’s ear while Dante and Seiji discussed some boring book Seiji was reading for English. Nick was supposed to be reading it too, but he hadn’t gotten around to it.

“In a lot of ways,” Nick whispered back, “it’s thanks to you it is. I’ll tell you more later.”

Bobby seemed excited at the prospect of gossip. _Seiji_ gossip, no less, which remained his favorite kind.

“I’d be interested to read your paper on _King Lear_ if you don’t mind,” Seiji said, and it took Nick and Bobby both a moment to figure out that he wasn’t talking to Dante. And he couldn’t be talking to Nick.

“Mine?” Bobby asked in a squeak.

“Yes. Dante was just telling me about your critique of it through the lens of toxic masculinity. It never would have occurred to me to read it in that way, but it’s a compelling idea and I’d like to read it. If you still have it and wouldn’t mind me reading it, that is.”

“Yes, I still have it! And if you really want to read it, I can email it to you?” Bobby asked, flushed and flattered. Even though he’d gotten used to Seiji during their first stint of dating, this was high enough praise to make him weak-kneed. Particularly after the diner incident last night. Nick’s heart felt so warm with affection he wondered if it might start glowing out light to match through his ribcage. Seiji, Nick could tell, was putting in extra effort to be nice to Bobby so he’d know Seiji wasn’t mad at him. It made Nick scooch his chair over to Seiji’s and grab his face for a kiss. He refrained himself to Seiji’s cheek for now, but he did commandeer one of Seiji’s hands for the rest of lunch. Very thoughtfully, he stole the left one. It wasn’t as if Seiji really needed that one all that much.

* * *

“We have a test that day,” Seiji said at the news of their next match’s change of date. Nick thought it sounded a bit like Seiji was saying the match would have to be changed again. “I suppose Nicholas and I will have to make arrangements to take it during lunch sometime next week.”

“No way,” Nick complained. “I’m not giving up a lunch for that bullshit.”

“No matter what, you’ll have to give away some free time to take it,” Seiji scolded.

“Figure it out and tell us if you need Williams to write a note,” Harvard said, ignoring Nick’s complaints. “Team dismissed, see you all tomorrow.”

Nick grumbled all the way back to their room. Seiji was done hearing about it by the time they got there.

“Why couldn’t we get out of a normal class that doesn’t need to be made up?” Nick insisted. “If they’d stuck to the original plan, it would have been great.”

“Nicholas,” Seiji said chidingly, “you’re meant to make up for the work missed during any class. You know that, right?”

“I don’t care, it’s not like I need to.” Nick noticed Seiji’s sharp eyes and sighed. “I’m keeping up with everything I need to. I promise I won’t get the boot because of my lax approach to academics.”

“You’d better not,” Seiji agreed briskly. “And that reminds me, I have something for you.”

“To help with my poor academics?” Nick asked dubiously, watching Seiji produce a flat paper bag with pinstripes on it from his things.

“Possibly. Here.” He pushed the bag into Nick’s hands.

Nick looked at Seiji’s face and then down to the bag again. It had a little golden bumblebee stamped on the front of it. Wherever this classy wrapping had come from, Nick could imagine Seiji there. He expected to find a planner when he reached under the lip of the bag. He didn’t want a planner. They never worked for him. But he was already prepared to love _this_ planner because Seiji had gotten it for him.

It wasn’t a planner.

“Is this a _left-handed_ journal?” Nick asked, turning it over in his hands with amazement.

“I don’t expect you to keep any better track of that one than you do your other notebook but I thought it might be easier for you to use and—,”

The paper bag crinkled as it got smashed between them. Stupidly, Nick had used the hand still holding the journal to grab Seiji to him instead of the one with the wrappings. But it was fine. It worked. Seiji slipped his hands against Nick’s face and kissed him back. Nick pressed his hand—and the journal—into Seiji’s back, abandoning the paper bag to mimic Seiji’s idea and cup a cheek.

“I love it,” Nick said. “Thank you.”

* * *

Nick had remained unwilling to give up his lunch period to retake the stupid test so he’d had to stay after school for it instead. Because he was coming back to the room so late, Nick expected Seiji to have gone to the library for his studying. But he was wrong. With Seiji, he often was.

“How was your test?” Seiji asked, not looking up. Probably because, if he had, he’d only have been looking at the wall Nick’s bed was tucked against. He had his lap desk out in front of him, not on his lap at all.

“I think I passed,” Nick said, discarding his bag and dropping his blazer on the floor next to the shoes he’d just toed off. “Budge up, you didn’t leave any room for me.”

“You took too long and I’m in the middle of something.”

“Seiji,” Nick complained, “you can’t take over my whole bed for math and then not even let me on with you.”

“Can’t I?”

Nick looked down at his boyfriend with his hands on his hips. Seiji didn’t notice, happily scribbling away at equations and ignoring Nick. Probably, once he was finished with the problem, he’d readjust and let Nick take up a spot next to him in some way or another.

But, looking at Seiji, Nick was suddenly starting to see the potential benefits in this position. Grinning slyly, Nick prowled closer.

“Yeah, I guess you can,” Nick murmured as he pushed hands up Seiji’s waist and back, bunching his shirt up carelessly as he did. Seiji jolted, surprised, and it turned into a shiver as Nick leaned down and pressed his lips to the bare skin of Seiji’s shoulder blade, shirt now scrunched high enough to expose the entirety of Seiji’s back. “You can have my bed for your boring math. And I can have this.”

Nick was already climbing onto the bed as he spoke. He didn't give Seiji time to readjust, simply climbed onto him with knees on either side of Seiji’s hips, pinning him to the mattress as he bent over to kiss into the crook of Seiji’s neck. Seiji continued with the math after a short pause to consider his new predicament. He didn’t seem all that concerned about it, but when Nick trailed fingers up and down his spine and ghosted breath behind them, a small sound betrayed his anticipation. Nick smiled, pressed that smile against back and shoulders, drinking in the warmth of Seiji’s skin.

Nick heard a book thud shut heavily, then heard what had to be Seiji’s entire set-up being dropped to the floor with less care than Seiji usually took with his things. In another moment, Seiji was readjusting. He must have finished his math problem. Nick readjusted a little too, shifting his weight to allow Seiji an easier time of flipping over.

“You’re terrible for my study habits,” Seiji informed him, looking up at him with a sternness that even he had to know was more cute than menacing just now. “And my meal plan.”

“As much as I love hearing all the things in your life I’m ruining,” Nick said, smile wide and letting Seiji know that he really did find it amusing, “I think I’m going to kiss you now. What do you think?”

“I think you probably have homework you should be working on because I know for a fact you haven’t even looked at the science packet that’s due tomorrow.” Seiji ran his hands up Nick’s arms, stopping to take hold near his shoulders. “And I think you should absolutely continue to not look at it until much later.”

“What should I look at instead, do you think?”

“Me, obviously.”

And Seiji yanked him down hard.

Nick kissed Seiji hard to match his pull. He could feel Seiji’s smile under his tongue before he broke it open and dove into his mouth with no concern at all for quotas or homework.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so you all know, Nick still has to borrow Seiji’s loose-leaf on a regular basis. I don’t know why it’s important to me that you know that but it is.


	21. Chapter 21

Nick was reading a comic fresh from the library, his leftover hand scuffing through Seiji’s hair. Seiji seemed so content lounging on Nick’s chest and relaxing for once in his life that Nick almost expected him to purr like Mrs. Norris did whenever they visited her. The thought was a sweet enough one to distract Nick from reading for a second to drop a kiss into Seiji’s hair, after which he got right back to ruining it.

A muffled buzz came from the phone in Nick’s pocket, the vibration hitting Seiji as much as it did Nick, sandwiched as it was between them. Nick was going to leave it, but Seiji retrieved it from his pocket.

“Marcel,” Seiji said.

“Unless it’s a plea for help, I’ll get back to him later.”

“He likes you quite a lot.”

“Should I tell you we’re just friends?”

“There’s no need for that.” Nick believed him; he didn’t sound upset or concerned at all, nor should he have been. Seiji put the phone down on the bed and returned his arm to its previous task of wrapping lazily around Nick. “Do you know why I agreed to date you? The first time, I mean?”

“Because Eugene and Aiden bullied you mercilessly.”

“Not quite. Their persistent pestering about it factored into it, yes, but it was actually Jesse that convinced me.”

That got Nick’s interest.

“What?” He asked, putting aside his comic. “Jesse? How? Why? What?”

Seiji’s little exhale of breath was a solid laugh coming from him. “He thought your confession was impressive,” Seiji recalled. “He told me I ought to take notice of a huge gesture like that. Which is what traps him into so many awful dates, taking notice of every person that asks.”

“So you guys are…friends? You sound like friends.”

“We can get along just fine.”

“As long as you don’t talk about fencing,” Nick finished, remembering what Marcel had said. “Which means you can’t really be friends, can you? That’s such a big part of both your lives, not talking about it is truncating your entire personality.”

“Nice vocabulary.”

“You’re rubbing off on me with your fancy words, it’s the worst. All right, so tell me about how Jesse got you to date me.”

“I ran into him after the meet and greet and he asked if I’d changed my mind about, and I quote, the poor asshole who’d confessed his love for me. Jesse said that his teammate liked you and thought you were nice. I thought he was trying to convince me like Eugene and Aiden both had been all week, doing everything short of making PowerPoint presentations highlighting your best qualities. But Jesse just said that I’d better be sure I didn’t want you because his teammate might be interested.”

“You’re kidding me, that reverse psychology worked on you?” Nick asked in amazement. There was no way Marcel had expressed interest in him to Jesse, he was too nice to plan on taking advantage like that so soon after Nick’s heart had supposedly been broken. Jesse, apparently, hadn’t had any issues exaggerating the situation to bait Seiji into reconsidering. Seiji tilted his head to look up at Nick, then made a non-committal sound in his throat. “Don’t tell me you didn’t realize Jesse was playing you.” This just kept getting better, Nick was ready to burst with laughter.

“It doesn’t matter now. Only, at the time, I decided he was probably right. Aiden and Eugene had gotten in my head, too, going on about how great you are. I really didn’t expect to agree with them.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You’re hilarious. But, whatever, I guess I owe Jesse a big thanks. Never thought I’d say that.”

“I can’t say I ever imagined being grateful to Jesse Coste, either.”

Nick stroked fingers through Seiji’s wonderfully silky hair and Seiji snuggled into his chest, at ease and all but purring. The sun streaming in through the window was hitting their bed just right and the whole moment felt warm and comfortable and perfect.

“He’s my brother.” Nick hadn’t even made the decision to say it before it was out but, oddly, he didn’t feel panicked or nervous at all as he heard himself say it out loud for the first time in his life. It just felt right. He kept petting Seiji’s hair, kept talking. “Half-brother, really. But he doesn’t know. Nobody does, so you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

Nick could tell the exact moment when Seiji understood. Could tell in the sudden sharpness of Seiji’s awareness, the stillness of all his muscles, the sudden absence of his steady and relaxed breathing. Carefully, Seiji planted a hand on Nick’s chest and levered himself up at an angle, eyes all pupil as they met Nick’s.

“Jesse Coste is your…?” He asked. Nick nodded. “Then you’re…Robert’s son?”

“Yeah. It’s—well, it’s kind of the biggest secret of my life. But I want you to know me. And I’m tired of always having to hide it, of never being able to talk about why stuff about Jesse pisses me off or why I’m always visiting the trophy case or how it feels to be chasing after this dumb illusion I have of a dad who doesn’t even know I exist. So. Yeah. Now you know.” Nick hadn’t been worried at all until now, but Seiji still didn’t say anything. Shock had taken him, it seemed, and Nick’s nerves were starting to creep up. “I know it’s a big secret, maybe I shouldn’t have thrown this at you. I mean, you didn’t ask to be volunteered to hear about my daddy issues and—,”

“I’m happy to carry this secret with you if that’s what you really want,” Seiji cut in, gently bringing Nick’s ramblings to a halt. “Of course I am. You can talk to me about anything, I want you to. I want that. I just, sorry, I don’t think I really expected you to. I never thought you’d tell me about Jesse at all, and I didn’t even know it was _this._ That’s…thank you, Nicholas, for trusting me with this.” Seiji pursed his lips, a little crease appearing between his eyebrows. “You didn’t have to.”

“I know,” Nick told him, kissing the crease away and then kissing his mouth for good measure. “I wanted to, that’s the only reason I told you.”

Seiji leaned in and kissed Nick again, slow and sweet. Nick understood that it meant Seiji was all out of words to tell him how much this meant to him. Nick kissed him back, feeling light and free for having someone to share himself with completely. He could feel in Seiji’s kiss that he wanted to share all of him with Nick too.

It was a long time before Seiji pulled back, Nick’s hand still tangled in his hair. Now that the shock had passed and the reassurances been issued, Seiji peered closely at Nick's face, scrutinizing every inch of it. Nick pulled his mouth up into a half grin.

“Looking for someone?”

“Yes.”

“Well? Finding anything?” Nick expected Seiji to pinpoint every detail of his features that matched with Jesse’s or Robert’s. Braced himself to hear it. But Seiji shook his head slowly.

“All I can see is you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this fic was interesting because it felt--as so many shunted aside WIPs often do--like a collaboration fic with a past version of me. I started this almost exactly a year ago exactly and left myself breadcrumbs in the way of notes and partially-written scenes, all leading to this destination. I'm honestly not sure which I wrote down first: the final five or so lines or the actual beginning. Either way, we're here now. We made it. I pieced together the crumbs and made a loaf of bread and I guess I just hope it was a warm and hearty morsel to help get you to where you need to go. The world's gone to shit and I hope you all are safe and well. Thank you for brightening my day continually and...eating my metaphorical bread...? I'm shutting up now, but just know that I love you guys💜


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